


An Angry Blade

by BloodyFreckles



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyFreckles/pseuds/BloodyFreckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world has been left devastated by the power hungry and fanatic beliefs. Jared is a God-fearing man who is in love with a hardened Jensen, who was left at their camp by his surrogate father, Jeff. Jared knows Jensen will never look at him the way he wants, but it doesn't hurt to dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this came to me while listening to Iron & Wine's An Angry Blade a couple months ago. I just saw it so clearly in my head. Also I'm sorry but there is no sex. I'll leave that to your imagination. It's done in two chapters. And one last thing, here's a fanmix for this story, randomly got inspired to do one since I've been dilly dallying around with playlists, so I hope you enjoy: http://8tracks.com/winchessam/angry-blade-j2-fic-mix
> 
> Now as for my other stories, chapters are coming soon. I'm hoping in the next couple days as my writing mood sticks. I'm sorry for such a long wait.

Jared remembers the first time he saw Jensen. He was fifteen and coming into his budding sexuality, having a crush on his bestfriend, Chad, at the time. He understood that he liked men, more than women but Jensen cemented that for. The nineteen year old arrived at camp with Jeffery Dean Morgan. He was dirty and had holes in his clothes, boots tattered, his face was set in a grim line and his eyes were hard around the edges. But the sun was out and it shone on Jensen like a halo, like a message from God. Jared saw an angel, not a hardened young man, made that way by what the world has become. 

Jared remembers how he would stumble around Jensen, stuttering, getting knots in his stomach and feeling like he could throw up at any moment. Jensen affected him that much and still does. Jensen would look at him like he was stupid for the longest time. He'd get that look on his face that said _'Who is this idiot? And What does he want?'_ And it was always easy to hang around Jensen, because Jared is friends with Misha and Jensen is friends with him too. 

So, sometimes he gets to sit in Misha's tent and smoke pot they grow outside the camp, and listen to Jensen go off on philosophical tirades. Jensen has some awesome ideas, about the nuclear fallout and what everyone's trying to do in the world. He's smart for never being in school like the rest of them. He draws Jared in and makes him see the world in a whole new light. He also plays the guitar and sings like an angel. Jared will stare, enthralled by his voice and Jensen gets weird looks on his face, like once again. _'Why is this idiot staring at me?'_

Truly, Jensen knows Jared exists but not in the way Jared wants. Jared wants Jensen to love him back but he's pretty sure he's in love with Jeff. The man who left him alone at camp two years ago to go find a better life somewhere, but he promised to come back for Jensen. But none of them have seen it yet. Jensen, sometimes, gets these faraway looks in his eyes when he stands at the exit of the camp. Jared wants to know what he's thinking. Is he thinking about leaving to find Jeff? Is he waiting to see Jeff coming toward them? Any day now. That's what Jensen must be thinking. 

Jared only knows this because there have been a couple times he dared to venture up to him and ask how he was. Jensen would mumble a _'I'm fine.'_ and Jared would leave it at that. Standing there with him for a few minutes before he left him alone, even though he really didn't want to. 

They're world is a disaster. Once ravaged by war: nuclear warfare, and bioterrorism. Various sicknesses spread purposely for the sake of a an ideal from different nations. Jared wasn't born back then, but he's been told it was terrible by those that lived it. Bombs dropped on larger than life cities, people stumbling around with their flesh peeling off and dying In the streets. Anyone that survived those times had hideous growths on their skin, became slow or ended up with mental illness. Babies were born retarded, or malformed. More conjoined twins were announced before government finally died out. There are mass graves outside his protective walls, now all shriveled up bones and husks. A remainder of what cruel people are capable of in the name of power and fanatic beliefs. 

Sickness didn't die out for years. If a bomb didn't get you, then you were likely to fall ill and die. There were so many unwell people back then, that hospitals and clinics shut down because they didn't know what to do or how to cure anything that hadn't been seen in decades. Doctors and nurses fell ill too, so there was hardly anyone left to help anyway. Jared's mom was there for it all and she was a lucky one until she died when he was six before coming to the camp. She was killed by bandits. Jared doesn't remember much of her but he got to know his father. A brave man until he died of the flu seven years ago. He brought Jared to the camp when he was nine.

They looked everywhere for shelter and a kind heart, traveled with four other people and their two children. He remembers them, Charlene and Tommy. He played with them frequently and was sad when his father decided to disband and follow his own path. Jared remembers those trying times, they were difficult with just the two of them but in the end it had turned out better for the both of them. Jared has had a place to lay his head since then. Sure, they're tents instead of homes made of wood and brick, but he has two blankets and three pillows to himself. It's much better than anywhere else he could be. 

Jared is Twenty two, in love and he doesn't know what the world was like before this desolate, filthy and place of wreckage came to be. And lately the camp has had civil unrest because people are going missing. Some believe they're leaving for greater pastures, while others claim the leaders are doing something ominous with them. Jared doesn't know the truth and he certainly doesn't want to believe that Jim, Katie and Matt would do anything to endanger their people. They're upright folks. Feed everyone, see to their needs and follow the word of God. 

They even have a gathering on Sunday to listen to scripture and read from old books of guidance to understand those scriptures. Jared believes in God and has faith, a lot of faith, more so than most people have. While it's been preached to him that homosexuality is a sin, he doesn't believe God would hate him for his preferences. He prays everyday for himself and those around him. For Lucy Morris who possibly has cancer, for Leela Taylor, who has gone deaf in her left ear. He prays for his friends happiness, especially Jensen's and he knows God answers those prayers. 

He feels God within him, surrounding him. Some might call him a fool for believing in a higher power with the world they live in but he thinks it's wonderful to have faith in someone that can be your friend, your father, and your supporter. Long as you love him, worship him and whole heartedly believe in him. God does answer. 

So, he has faith that God wouldn't choose leaders that would put them in harms way. 

He sits with Genevieve, and Chad. Sharing today's rations. Dried beef jerky and peanuts. It's lunch time and this is what people get for the day until supper. Supper has been great for the last three months despite their low numbers in cattle. Everyone even gets seconds if there is enough to go around. Jared's sure he put on twenty pounds. He's not as skinny as he used to be, even has some defined muscle and his stomach has a tiny bump like he's been drinking too much beer. He's been doing crunches to make up for it. 

“I'm so tired of beef jerky. Wish we had fresh strawberries,” Genevieve says, munching around a mouth full of peanuts. 

“I'm happy to have any kinda food. Long as we're not starving? We're golden,” Chad says, chewing noisily on jerky.  
Jared smiles, shrugging his shoulders. “I really don't mind it. Tastes good eitherway, even if it becomes a little tiresome. Besides, strawberries aren't in season. You'll have to wait until late spring rolls around.” 

Genevieve sighs. “I know, and I'm grateful but really...”

Genvieve and Sandy usually complain about the food. They both grew up on a farm together, where the food was good until bandits drove them from their home and took it over. Killing their parents but before their parents died, they put back packs full of food and clothes on their backs and sent them away, so they wouldn't get a hold of the girls. They found the camp two years later at sixteen and seventeen. Haven't left since.

Chad clears his throat. “You done reading that book yet, Jared?”

“The Great Gatsby?,” Jared asks, chewing slowly. 

“Yeah, that one. I wanted to read it, but Erwin said you burrowed it and I should ask you after you're done,” Chad embellished. 

“Oh yeah, sure thing. I'm on the last chapter. When I'm done...I'll hand it over but you gotta give it back to Winnie,” Jared says, finishing off his last piece of jerky. 

“No problem, dude,” Chad says as he pats his stomach, leaning back on his elbows.

“I have Stephen King's Tommyknockers if you want to read that? It's a really great book,” Genevieve chips in. 

“No way. I don't read horror. It gives me nightmares from hell. I read Dean Koontz's The Taking and dreamt about Aliens for weeks. Taking me away and pouring acid rain on me,” Chad says with a shudder. 

Jared laughs. “Nothing like that exists, Chad.”

“What if though? The war could have been caused by aliens and that's why we're all stuck in this shit life,” Chad says.

“It isn't shit,” Jared mumbles, looking down. Because it's better than it could be. 

Genevieve rolls her eyes. “Aliens didn't cause this. Human nature did.” 

“Whatever. I'd rather believe aliens did it,” Chad grumbles. 

The flap to the tent opens, Jared turns to see Misha crouching down with a small smile on his face. “You guys feel like smoking?”

Genevieve shakes her head. “You know I never smoke, Mish.” 

“Suit yourself. Chad? Jared?,” Misha asks. 

Jared nods. “Yeah, I'm up for it.”

“Me too. But fuck, if I get the munchies, I'm blaming you,” Chad answers, getting up on his knees as Misha grins and turns out of the tent. Chad follows.

Jared looks at Genevieve apologetically. “Sorry, I'll be back later.” 

She gives a secret smile. “You just want to be around Jensen.” 

Jared feels his face heat up. “Yeah. So what?”

“Go be with your boy, Jared. I'm not judging,” Genevieve says with a wink.

Jared shakes his head, leaving the tent. 

\-------------

When Jared sees Jensen, his stomach drops and his mouth goes dry before he even manages to get cotton mouth. He's sitting across from Jensen as he strums his guitar, singing an old song Jared doesn't know. Jensen stops every now and then to take a couple hits from the pipe they're smoking from. Misha refills it whenever they smoke it down to ashes. 

Jensen catches Jared looking and they have a moment of a stare until Jared looks away and avoids his eyes for a little bit. He catches a small smile on Jensen's lips sometimes, like he knows and god if he does? He'll die. He'll die of embarrassment and shame. His eyes feel dry and his mouth feels like someone set fire to it and now all that's left is a smoking husk of a house where a home once stood. 

His head is fuzzy, his thoughts are slightly paranoid. What if Jensen knows? What if Jensen can see through him? He's never said anything to Misha in fear that he'll end up opening his mouth and telling him. The only people that know are Sandy and Gen. He's fine with that. They coo over him and try to give him advice to go after Jensen but Jared is pretty content to watch up close and afar, never saying anything. He sees Jensen as pure for some reason, untouchable. Like he'll sully him if there was a chance for them to be together.

Everyone is sitting around in a daze and Jensen switches songs while almost dropping his guitar. Jared catches Jensen looking at him this time and he flushes, coughing suddenly. 

_So, I look in your direction_  
But you pay me no attention, do you?  
I know you don't listen to me  
'cause you say you see straight through me, don't you? 

Jared looks down, the song more interesting more than the last one. Is the man reading his thoughts? Because seriously, he's about to have a fit, right now or leave the tent. Jared manages to look up and Jensen's eyes are half lidded and not even on him. He's really into the song, his fingers strumming, his whole body into it. 

_And on and on from the moment I wake,_  
To the moment I sleep,  
I'll be there by your side,  
Just you try and stop me,  
just to see if you care 

Jared looks up again and Jensen is staring straight at him. There's a smile on his face, he shivers, and Jared wonders if Genevieve told Misha, which would suck but they've been kinda in love for awhile and there probably isn't anything Gen wouldn't tell Misha. If she told Misha, then Jensen knows and he's teasing the hell out of him right now or he's just really high and not paying much attention to where he's looking. 

Eitherway, Jared gets on his knees and looks away. “I'm going to go to my tent and read. I'll give that book to you at supper. Okay, Chad?” 

Chad looks up, eyes red. “What?”

“The Great Gatsby. I'll give it to you at supper,” Jared repeats, almost losing his train of thought. 

“Oh, sure, yeah... the book. Thanks,” Chad says with a nod. 

Jared looks between Jensen and Misha. Jensen has a slight frown on his face but he keeps singing. “I'll see you two later.” 

_'Sing it loud and clear,  
I'll always be waiting for you_

It follows him out of the tent, as he walks along toward his own. The gray fallen over the camp gives a moody feel to his surrounds and his high is ruined by Jensen being strange. .He gets to his tent and prays, and then picks up the book and starts reading the last chapter. Putting thoughts of Jensen out of his mind.

\----------

Jared sleeps like a log. He dreams of a movie reel, he once saw one when he was a child. In this reel, there are two women talking and one says to the other 'Why are you screaming?' and she goes 'I'm not screaming.' Then she screams and Jared is jarred from his sleep. He wakes up, heart pounding in his chest and mind groggy because he has a weed hang over. He swallows, looks around and then he hears it. 

A scream, loud and clear. 

His heart picks up faster and he tosses the blankets off his torso, climbing out of the tent. There's no one up besides him and whoever is screaming. He hears another scream, and makes his way toward the sound. It's coming from the store house, where all the meat is salted and the cows are skinned and made into edible food. He hears who he thinks is Maria Sanchez, telling her son Emilo, to go back to sleep. It's nothing. 

He frowns as scurries up to the building, and sees a light coming through a slightly open door. He stops there, peering inside and what he sees shocks him to the core. There's a body on the table, not an animal but a human being and Carlos, the butcher, is standing beside it with what looks like a knife in his hand. There is blood on the floor. Dripping down from the table and Jared watches in horror as Carlos brings the knife down and stabs the body again. He thinks it's a woman, by the shape of the feet and the legs. 

“I thought you used chloroform on her?,” Jim's voice rings out.

“I did, but the bitch woke up,” Carlos spits as the body convulses and then dies out. Arms going limp. 

“She's gone,” Jim says, coming to stand beside Carlos, peering down at the body. “Get her skinned tonight, we're running out of meat.” 

Jared's eyes widen, he can't process what was just said. Bile rises to his throat and he throws up on camp ground... everything he ate for dinner tonight dinner wasn't a fucking cow. It was … he doesn't even want to think about it but it explains the disappearances. It explains why they've been eating so well despite low cattle numbers. He heaves, stomach contracting and rippling underneath his hands as he gags. He has to tell his friends. 

Why would Jim do such a thing? Why? Does Katie know? Does Matt know? Because they're god fearing people. They can't do things like this. Killing human beings so the rest of them can eat. It's heathen, it's godless. His stomach still feels queasy as he hears someone speak.

“Did you hear that?”

“Someone must be out there. Go look.” 

He runs from the storehouse, heading toward Chad's camp. He can hear someone yelling _'Who's out there?!'_ Jared ducks inside Chad's tent and shakes him awake. 

“Chad, Chad,” Jared says in a harsh whisper. 

“Wha?,” Chad says as he turns over and looks up. 

“We … we... look. We haven't been eating animals, we've been eating human flesh,” Jared says, unsure of how to explain this situation to his friend.

“Dude...what? You're talking crazy,” Chad says, eyes more open.

“You think aliens started the war and I'm crazy?,” Jared asks, eyebrow raised.

“That's different,” Chad mumbles, closing his eyes. “I want to go back to sleep.”

“No, listen. They're feeding us human meat. I just seen it. Carlos was killing a woman and was told to skin her by Jim because we need more meat,” Jared stresses, frowning.

Chad blinks one eye open. “You really saw this?”

“Yeah, I really did,” Jared says, hoping his face conveys truth. 

Chad sits up with a sigh, rubbing his hand over his face. “We need to tell the others.” 

“Yeah, we do,” Jared says. “Go tell Misha. I'll tell Gen and Sandy.” 

Chad nods, pulling on his sneakers as Jared walks out barefoot. Ten minutes later he has Sandy and Gen roused from their sleep. Genevieve throws up and goes _'I fucking knew crazy Jane was telling the truth!'_ and Sandy looks like she ate something bad, which she most certainly did. 

A few minutes later, they're met with Misha, Jensen and Chad. 

“You really saw this?,” Jensen says, the first to speak.

“Yes, I swear. I threw up afterward. She was bleeding everywhere and Carlos was stabbing her. Don't know who it was but I bet someone comes up missing tomorrow,” Jared says as calmly as he can.

“I'm going to go see what's up,” Jensen says as he starts walking toward the storehouse. Misha following behind him. 

Genevieve and Sandy speak in low tones. Jared knows once they get talking like that, they have ideas in mind and he can't help wondering what they are. He hears a another scream, and it's male, then something along the lines of _'We've been taking care of you!'_ and something that sounds an awful lot like a bitter laugh. There's someone yelling but it's hard to really know what they're saying. Jared and Chad look at each other, and Jared takes off running toward the storehouse. 

He runs into the open door, and Jim and Jensen are fighting on the floor. Jim is choking Jensen and Jared's heart constricts, he rushes forward to grab the old man off him but Misha and Matt come into his line of sight, brawling through into the wall. By the time they're past him, Jensen has the upper hand and he's punching Jim in the face. Katie comes around a corner, wild eyed, blonde hair up in a ponytail and he sees the knife, he runs as fast as his legs can carry him and barrels into Katie. She goes down like a ton of bricks, making a whooshing sound, followed by a gurgle of pain and then she seems to have quick recovery time as she punches him in the face and knocks him over. 

His nose gushes blood all down his mouth and into the seams of his lips, he tries to keep his mouth closed. But Katie speaks strong and sure. “I knew it was you in the window, Jare. Why couldn't you just leave it alone? Appreciate the damn gift we bestowed upon you.” 

He hears Jensen suddenly. “You stupid bitch. It could have been any of us!” and then Jensen is taking down by Jim and stabbed in the side, which makes Jared gasp a breath, chest hurting like a wrecking ball hit it and he almost doesn't see the knife coming but Jensen cries out and then says “Jared! Look out!” 

He turns his eyes up sharply and Katie is holding the knife over his head. “What gives you the right to decide who lives and dies so everyone can eat?,” he spits, angry at the blade aimed at him. Like she has some right to do this, because they're confronting them. Because the truth has been revealed. 

Katie sighs. “We can't let you guys tell anyone. I”m sorry, Jared. But it has to be this way.” 

Before the knife comes down, he moves out of the way and she tumbles over. Briefly he sees Chad and Misha gaining up on Matt but he has other things to worry about, like his life on the line and Katie slashes him across his bare arm, and he hisses as she drives into him trying to knock him back, she's slashing at his shoulder, knife slicing through shirt and shoulder and it hurts so bad, but he doesn't care. He turns toward her, so angry, so very angry because they made them eat human flesh, an abomination. 

They're worse than sinners because what these people have been done and he slams her into the floor, wrangling the knife from her hands and he doesn't see what he's doing, not really, as he drives the knife into her eye socket, she gasps out, shaking, arms convulsing as she very literally croaks and Jared blinks, staring at the blood pouring from her face and the knife clatters from his hand to the floor. He scrambles back, unbelieving what he just did. What just happened and he closes his eyes, his body trembling as he consults with God in his mind and apologizes profusely over and over again, praying for forgiveness and speaking his instantaneous regret.

He hears a scream from his life, breaking his thoughts and turns in time to see a knife sticking out of Jim Beaver's throat. Jensen on his knees, staring down as he heaves breaths. Jared turns his eyes back on Katie and her one eye is a dead stare up toward the ceiling, her chest no long rising up and down. He just killed a woman, and he ate people. Is heaven even possible for him? Is it even a thing anymore? He's going straight to hell. There's no Peter at the pearly gates for him. 

He moves away from the pool of blood forming at her side and he remembers that he has a deep cut on his ram and his nose aches, like it's been broken but he doesn't care about that anymore. He walks over to Jensen, saying low. “You alright?”

Jensen looks up, blinks, there's blood all over his face. He doesn't say anything at all and stands, walks over to Chad, and Misha who have Matt contained. Jared realizes Carlos and the other parts of their little government are no where to be found. Jared moves past them and looks outside where a crowd has gathered. Jensen suddenly moves past him, having Matt by the scruff of his neck as he throws him to the ground.

Matt gets on his knees, head bowed as Jensen bellows “You see this? This is one of your leaders!” Everyone looks on in worry and fear. “Your government has been lying to you. Lying through their fucking teeth and taking us for granted, making us cattle.”

There are murmurs among the crowd, someone throws up and he gets the feeling that Sandy and Genevieve went around waking everyone up. Telling them what's going on. 

Jensen continues. “You've been eating your fellow man. You've been consuming their flesh! That's what they've been feeding us, that's why we've been eating so well. We've been getting fat on the lives of others.” Jensen bends down to a crouch, he speakers lower than he has been. “Tell them, Matt. Tell them the truth.”  
Matt mumbles, Jared can barely hear him. Then Jensen says “Tell. Them. The. Fucking. Truth!” 

Matt finally speaks, loud enough for everyone to hear. “It's true, it's all true. God, I'm so sorry. We're all so sorry! But we didn't know what to do. We would have starved to death!”

There are gasps among the crowd, and then more people are throwing up and people are jumping out of the way. 

“That's so sick! How could you make us!?” says the voice of a woman.

“What would God think? You preach everyday!” and this one a man.

“My wife. I ate my wife. Oh god.” and then wretching.

“I can't complain, we're surviving.” that one turns Jared's stomach turn. 

Misha and Chad walk past out of the storehouse and Jensen says. “Yeah, well, you can't pick and choose who the fuck we eat. You could have at least asked but even then? It's inhumane, you son of a bitch.” 

Jensen starts walking away but then he stumbles, and Jared's breath hitches as he throws up too, nearly falling to his knees before Misha catches him and they're moving away from crowd back toward the tents. 

Chad comes up to him. He looks sick, like he wants to spew too. “I can't... I can't be here.”

Jared understands, he really does. The place he has called home is defiled. A terrible place now, he doesn't want to be here anymore. The crowd disburses, Jared and Chad go back to the tent area and Jensen is coming out of his tent carrying his duffel bag. 

“Where are you headed?,” Chad calls after him.”

“I'm leaving this hellhole,” Jensen says back, his leather jacket pulled on, guitar strapped to his back and fully clothed. 

Jared's heart sinks, he'll never see Jensen again if he goes. 

“Wait, we'll come with you,” Chad tells him, and Jared very much agrees with this new development but he doesn't want to leave Sandy and Genevieve. 

Jensen looks at him for a moment, like he's considering then says. “Go get your stuff. Misha's coming too.” He walks past Jared, looking down at his sliced arm. “We'll have to check that and your nose when we get out of here. I'll be waiting by the gate.” 

Jared warms at the concern, while his stomach is queasy. “Okay, Jensen.” 

Misha meets up with them and Jared and Chad go talk to the girls, who want nothing more than to get out of here too. The girls are quick thinkers, they mention grabbing rations from the storehouse but Jared shoots that down quickly since the beef jerky is more than likely human flesh and Sandy makes a sad face but she nods in agreement. However, Genevieve mentions anything else should be fine. After they pack their meager belongings in backpacks and duffel bags, they grab what rations they can. Bottled water, nuts, berries, seeds, fire starting kits, sleeping bags and make shift first aid kits. They grab plastic bags and fill it with all the items. Making their way to the gate where Jensen is waiting with his hands up against the metal grating. 

He turns at their approach, switching hands as he still holds on and leans back casually. He looks down at the bags. “Good thinking. I was so ready to get out of here that I didn't even consider taking anything for survival.” 

“I want to leave too, more than anything, but we won't last long out there without food,” Genevieve says with a small smile. 

Jensen nods. “Let's get this show on the road.” 

Chad and Misha open the gates but before they can leave fully. Someone yells _Wait!_

Jared turns and Alona Tal is coming toward them. Backpack on her back and a blue duffel bag in her hand. “Please, I want to come to. I just... I can't stay here. It's... I threw up like three times and this place doesn't feel like home anymore.”

“I completely understand,” Jared says softly. 

“The more the merrier,” Sandy says, her hands clasped around four plastic bags at her front. 

“You've been here all your life, right?,” Jensen hedges.

Alona nods. “Yeah... most of it, since I was about four but I'm not leaving anyone behind. My family has been dead for awhile.” 

“That's not what I'm worried about,” Jensen says breezily. “I'm more worried about you slowing us down.”

Alona's face becomes a little hardened like stone and she says in a clipped tone. “I know how to take care of myself. Bet I save your ass out there.”

Jensen chuckles. “Maybe, sweetheart but I'm not counting on it.” 

“Leave her alone, Jen,” Genevieve says in a firm tone. “I don't blame her for not wanting to be here and if she can't take care of herself, I'll look out for her and I'm sure whoever else wants to, will.” 

Jensen sighs. “It's on you then.”

Alona smiles. “Thanks, Genny. I'll try my hardest to keep up.” 

Jared may be in love with Jensen, but sometimes he doesn't agree with his hardened ways. He smiles at Alona and bumps into her a little gently, his hip hitting against her waist. “Glad you're coming with us.”

Alona looks up at him and smiles sadly. “Me too but too bad we couldn't be more adventurous before all this happened.” 

Jared nods solemnly. “Yeah, you're right.” He stares on ahead into the night as everyone makes their way out of the gate and they close it behind them. The stars twinkling above them, and Jared knows with certain clarity, they're really not anything special, just balls of gas but such tiny white dots in the sky make him wonder what kind of future their group will have now, without the sense of a tight knit community. 

\----------

They've been walking for hours, thankfully not running into any trouble but Jared remembers what it was like out there when he was a kid. How troublesome it was, how you were had to be on the look out for bandits and people who were more or less deranged, ready to hurt you for most times, no reason at all. The road is long, traveling up a dirt path and everyone is tired, ready to sleep. There's a forest ahead and Jared wants to suggest stopping for the day and possibly night, so they can rest up and move In the daytime instead.

“We should head into the woods, make a fire and hunker down for the night,” Jensen says, as if he read Jared's thoughts. But really, it's just a coincidence, because he's sure everyone was thinking that.

“God, yeah, my feet are killing me,” Genevieve complains and Jared doesn't blame her. His hurt too. Like really hurt, he's pretty sure he has blisters. His sneakers are old and worn, he needs a new pair. 

“I vote for this too, by the power of our mighty god Thor,” Misha pipes up. 

“Who the hell says Thor is our God?,” Chad says laughing.

“Comic books that tell of his greatness and glory,” Misha says with a sage nod. 

“I still believe in the big guy enough that I don't need to believe in some mythical character,” Alona says in a small voice. 

“How can you still believe in God after what you just saw?,” Jensen asks, voice dripping with meanness. 

“I do too,” Jared speaks up. Jensen turns to look at him, eyebrow slightly raised. Jared shrugs. “Just because we had corrupt leaders, doesn't mean God isn't watching, guiding us.”

Jensen snorts. “Yeah, well. If God was watching, we wouldn't have been eating our fellow campers.” 

“Please, don't even mention it,” Sandy says, as she makes a gagging sound. Jared watches as she turns on the side of the road, and starts throwing up into the grass. Genevieve walks over to her and rubs her back, speaking soothing words as everyone stops for a moment except Jensen who keeps walking. 

Jared takes a bottle of water out of a bag, sets the bags down and walks over to hand Sandy an uncapped bottle of water. He watches as she rinses out her mouth, then gulps it down greedily. 

“Is it so wrong that I'm hungry despite all this?,” Sandy asks, as she takes another long drink and the bottles gone. She tosses it into the small field. 

“Sands, we need those to gather water later,” Genevieve chides.

Sandy has the decency to blush. “Sorry, I wasn't thinking.” 

Jared huffs a laugh. “No, it's not wrong to be hungry. I mean, you gotta eat.”

“And we'll eat as soon as we settle in for the day,” Genevieve says with a smile. 

“You lot coming or what?,” Jensen calls after them. 

Sandy sighs. “Why is he such a hard ass? Doesn't even show a little concern.” 

Jared takes his bottom lip into his mouth and shrugs. “I just think he's been having a really hard time with Jeff being gone and everything before that. He … doesn't know any better.”

Genevieve rolls her eyes. “Jared. You're sticking up for him because-”

Jared cuts her off. “It's not just that, because if any of you were acting like him... I'd stick up for you too.” 

Genevieve nods. “Understandable. Let's just go before he leaves us. Much as he annoys me sometimes, I don't want him out there by himself.” 

Jared feels relieved as they start walking again to catch up with Jensen and the others. 

\------------

Jared and Chad gathered wood for an hour to ensure they had enough for two days. Jensen got the fire roaring and they ate as much as they allowed themselves in order to get nutrients. They sat around the fire, talking all day about really nothing important, Chad and Alona making themselves scarce underneath a tree not too far from the fire as Chad reads out-loud The Great Gatsby, while Sandy and Genevieve played games from their childhood, fast clapping with rhymes and Genevieve expressed her wish for some yard or thread to do some ladder thing.

They do have a jump rope however and Sandy holds one end, while Misha holds the other and Genevieve jumps, singing... “Ten Mississippi, Eleven Mississippi...” Jared smiles at the childish antics, anything to keep themselves entertained. He doesn't mind it really. He has very few books and you can only read them so much before you get bored of them. 

The sun is setting in the sky and they've more or less decided to get their days and nights switched around so they could cover daylight in a couple days. It's chilly out and Jared skin is warmed by the roaring fire. Jensen sits by him in the dirt, throwing twigs in the fire, he really hasn't said a word since they stopped. 

“Are you okay?,” Jared finally decides to ask.

Jensen doesn't even turn to look at him. “I'm fine.” 

Jared nods and it goes silent for a few seconds. 

Jensen speaks. “Did you forget about your nose and arm?” 

Jared blinks, actually he had. The throbbing in his face and arm died down. “Yeah, guess I did.”

Jensen turns toward him, twig throwing no longer interesting and reaches up to turn Jared's face toward him. Jared's skin tingles, and he wants to close his eyes and breathe in the scent of Jensen's hands but he doesn't. 

“I'll reset it,” Jensen murmurs, getting up on his knees and fingers delicately moving over his nose as Jared stares at him, his throat tight and his stomach fluttering. His hands drop away and he reaches over near his own sleeping bag and grabs his duffel bag, unzipping and taking out tissue paper as he holds it out to Jared. “Blow your nose.” 

“Thanks,” Jared says as he takes the tissue and holds it to his aching nose gently and blows as hard as he can. He feels dizzy for a moment, vision swimming and then looks down to see thick globs of snot and blood all over the paper. He takes the second paper and does the same but not nearly as hard as he'd like not to faint. Rolls them up together and throws it away from the camp site. He looks at Jensen who's looking at him and says. “Now what?”

Jensen moves forward again. “Now I'm going to fix it, so it doesn't heal that way.” 

“Okay,” Jared breathes, swallowing as Jensen gets close into his space again. Jensen positions his hands into a triangle, then moves forward to position it over his nose. 

“Take a deep breath through your mouth and exhale through your mouth. Whatever you do, don't use your nose and don't nod, I need to get this right,” Jensen explains as he gets even closer, his hands move up and down to get into position and then they're fitted tight but not too tight around his nose. 

Jared closes his eyes because he knows pain is coming and it does as Jensen pushes his nose with enough force to the opposite side of where his nose was and the sharp pain causes his vision to swim once again and he feels permanently dizzy like he's going to throw up. “Fuck. Fuck,” Jared says breathlessly, placing his palm to his forehead, not even daring to touch his nose. 

Jensen chuckles. “It'll pass. At least you won't look like a freak now.”

Jared's head spins and he takes a deep breath. He has a sarcastic retort on his tongue but instead he says. “Thank you.” 

“No problem,” Jensen says easily. “Want me to set up you sleeping bag so you can lay down?”

Jared closes his eyes. “Yes, please. I'd appreciate it.” 

He hears rustling and then Jensen is sitting back down beside him. “You're all set, Sasquatch.” 

Jared nods as he gets up, looks around and realizes his sleeping bag was just behind him. He toes off his sneakers and climbs in, willing away the dizziness and falls asleep after what feels like forever. 

But he wakes up hours later to darkness, and a glowing fire. Listening to the chattering of his friends. His dizziness dissipated.

“I bet we ate Rhoda,” Chad says and then it sounds like something hit him. “Ow, bitch. That hurt.”

“Let's not talk about it,” Misha says firmly. 

“The quicker we forget, the better,” Genevieve chips in. 

“Come on, aren't you even a little curious?,” Chad asks, imploringly.

“Not really, it just makes me a bit morose that it happened in the first place. I feel guilty for getting to live when they didn't,” Genevieve says, sounding a little sad. 

Jared's stomach rolls, he'd rather forget about it too. He just wants that part of his life to be over.

“I wish we had sleeping bags, because what if it rains?,” Sandy questions, changing the subject.

“Little rain never hurt anyone,” Misha says.

“Says you, we'll be drowned puppies out here if that happens,” Genevieve says with a huff. 

“We're in California, dudettes. Chance of rain is unlikely,” Chad says.

“It rains in California, Chadwick,” Alona says, giggling.

“Stop calling me Chadwick, woman. That's never been my name,” Chad says with a groan.

“Chadwick! Chadwick! Chadwick! The wicker man Chadwick!,” Alona sings.

“What are you? Five?,” Chad asks incredulous. 

Alona laughs. “Yes, you're never too old, to be young.” 

“Could you quiet down? Jared's sleeping and I'm trying to sleep too,” Jensen says rather harshly. 

“Like you actually care about Jared,” Genevieve says bitingly. 

“Doesn't matter if I do or not. Point is, it's bedtime, it's been hours since the sun went down,” Jensen says scathingly. 

“I'm awake actually,” Jared speaks then. 

“Hey, baby. You sleep good?,” Sandy asks.

Jared stares up at the night ceiling. “Could use more sleep.” 

“We didn't wake you up, did we?,” Misha asks, concern in his voice.

“Not at all,” Jared admits. “Probably just my five hour internal clock. I'll fall back asleep soon.” 

“Forgot about your arm and shoulder,” Jensen says quietly. 

“Oh yeah... that. Doesn't hurt so bad now,” Jared says with a yawn. 

“Still need sutures I bet,” Genevieve says, she sounds like she's far away. 

“It can wait til tomorrow,” Jared murmurs, turning on his side where his arm and shoulder won't flare in pain. 

“It'll get infected,” Sandy sing songs. 

“It'll be fine, one of you can do it as soon as we're up in the morning,” Jared says with a mild shrug. “Jensen's right though, bedtime. I'm tired and ready to sleep.” 

“Oh fine,” Sandy says with a sigh. “I am kinda tired.”

There's a murmur of agreement and a chorus of goodnights as everyone goes quiet with the chirping of crickets a cadence of sound and Jared passes out again. 

\----------

Jensen strums his guitar, singing as the late morning sun peers high over the trees. And Jared watches discreetly, as he nurses a bottle of water. The fire is low at the moment, but Chad and Misha were talking about going further into the woods to hunt possible rabbits, and maybe some other animals if they're likely. Jared has hunted before but it's been years, however, when they're ready, he'll go along with them. See how rusty he is. The song Jensen is singing, is a slow but edgy beat. He imagines a steady rhythm of drums along with the guitar as the words come. The way Jensen sings, the rawness in his voice at the soft words with a cracking twang makes him think he's singing from experience.

 _I hear the hounds in the woods, pretty baby_  
Hear the hounds in the woods closing in  
So tell me now baby, tell me, pretty baby, where you been?  
I hear the shots ringing out, pretty baby  
hear the gunshots ringing in the night  
what a sound, oh baby, hit the ground, pretty baby  
outta of sight 

Jensen finishes the song with a resounding _Pretty baby_. and Genevieve, who is eating dried figs, speaks up. “I never thought to ask. But where did you learn all these songs? All I ever got to listen to was really old music on a record player as a child, and they were out of date or at least I was told.” 

Jared pretends he isn't paying attention, by inspecting his cut arm, now pulled together by needle and thread. His shoulder had shallow cuts, no need for stitches.

Jensen strums into another song. “When I was a kid... my mom was still around. We lived in a house that still had electricity, had all these cds and a stereo. I played guitar already but the songs bored me, you know? They were just child's rhymes and they didn't last long. So I would listen to these burned cds, and find the right tune with my fingers and just practiced them all. The ones I liked anyway.” 

Jared kinda already knew that story, but still he says. “That's pretty amazing.”

Genevieve hums. “Thanks for the music.”

Jensen actually gives a small smile, his head bent down. “How about I sing another one?” 

Jared can't help his answering smile. “I'm sure we wouldn't mind hearing.” 

Genevieve shrugs as she pops a fig in her mouth, talking as she chews. “Got nothing better to do.” 

Jensen starts up another one, this one talking about being a town being buried in water, two minutes later. Chad, Sandy and Misha come out of the clearing, half naked in only boxers and underwear.

“We found a small lake. About thirty feet from here,” Misha announces. 

Genevieve looks up, her face brightened. “Are we talking bathtime?”

“We're talking bathtime, baby,” Misha says with a grin.

“Awesome,” She says as she stands up, closing up the ziplock bag of figs and sitting it ontop of her sleeping bag. “You gonna take me there?” 

Misha nods. “Sure am. Just came back to get a few bars of soap.” 

“It is awesome though, nice and cold despite how hot it is today,” Chad says as he reaches into one of the plastic bags and procures bars of soap. 

“Too bad we didn't think to get washrags,” Sandy says as she folds up her clothes ontop her sleeping bag. 

“Would have been nice, yeah,” Chad says absentmindedly, then turns to Jared. “You coming? Alona asked after you.” 

Jared tilts his head to the side. “Might be bad for my arm.”

Jensen puts down his guitar and stands up. “Won't hurt it too much, just try to keep it out of the water as much as possible.”

Jared huffs a breath. “That might be a little hard.” 

Jensen shrugs. “Get clean or stay dirty. Your choice, Bucko.” 

Jared sits there for a moment as everyone heads back through the trees. Then grabs a bar of soap and follows after. 

Xxxxxxxxx

He's washed, clean, feels good but he can't help thinking he'll never be washed of Katie's blood being on his hands. If he were in blibical days, he'd be excommunicated to some city for murderers, never to see his friends again or stoned to death. His guilt however, is there but it's more of an echo. Much as he hates to even admit, Katie was... she was doing bad things and killing people too. He knows God doesn't want you to see an eye for an eye, or tooth or a tooth anymore, but she may have continued if he hadn't killed her. Then that thought makes his stomach turn, because he shouldn't be thinking these things at all. He took a life, it was wrong and now he does feel terrible suddenly for being so nonchalant. 

He distracts himself by looking up as Jensen, Genevieve and Misha stand on top of the small rock cliff. Alona, Chad and Sandy wading in the waters below as they laugh. 

“Come on, Genny! It'll be a rush,” Sandy calls out.

“No freaking way, dude. I'll probably crack my head on the way down,” Genevieve whines, as Misha keeps crowding behind her and pushing her toward the ledge. 

“I've jumped off cliffs bigger than that. It's cakewalk!,” Chad yells out, laughing. 

Misha bends down to whisper in her ear, and she laughs, smiling as she turns back to punch him in the arm. Jensen walks a few paces back and jumps off, angling his body inward as she drops down into the waters below and makes a splash.

“See! Look! Jensen is fearless. Be like Jensen,” Chad baits. 

Jensen comes up, gasping for breath and Misha whispers in Genevieve's ear again. They stare at each other for a long moment then she nods, he grabs her hand and they take some steps back getting in the middle.

Jared smiles, thinking it's cute as they count to three and start running but Misha stops suddenly and shoves her, bellowing a laugh as Genevieve yells “You fuuuuucccckeeeer!,” all the way down, until her tiny body makes waves in the water and splashes everyone. 

Jared barks a laugh, yelling out. “That was terrible of you, Misha!”

Misha gives a mischievous closed mouth smile as he shrugs. 

Genevieve comes up, pointing up at him. “You are a bad bad man and I am so never kissing you.”

Misha huffs a laugh as he says in a villainous voice. “We'll see about that, my darling Genevieve.” and pretends to twirl a handlebar mustache as he steps back and takes a running dive into the waters below. 

He comes up and splashes Genevieve, who tackles him. Jared feels happy for his friends, that they're able to find joy even during hard times. Watching Genevieve and Misha however, makes him wish Jensen would play with him that way. To have Jensen love him back, would be the greatest gift ever given to him, but he knows it's a pipe dream. While Jensen has claimed that Jeff is like a father to him, he suspects that Jensen has deeper feelings than familial, so does Misha. Meaning Jeff will always have his heart and Jared, is shit out of luck.

Everyone horses around in the water, and Jensen swims toward the shore. Coming out of the water, a little bent and looking tired as he makes his way over to Jared and plops down beside him. His feet sliding into the shallow water, as he brings his knees up some and places his arms over them, back bowed. 

“I'm sorry you can't swim,” Jensen says, looking at the same scene Jared is.

“It's okay, there will be other times,” Jared says with a mild shrug. 

“Think Misha and Genevieve are gonna tie the knot?,” Jensen asks quietly.

Jared smiles. “Yeah, think they really will.”

“You ever think of finding someone and settling down? Alona seems keen on you,” Jensen says, glancing at him with a smile on his face.

“Nah, I think Alona is sweet on Chad,” Jared says, chuckling. His mouth quivering to say _I want to settle down with you.'_

Jensen goes quiet.

Jared breaks the moment of silence. 'What about you?” 

Jensen laughs, like that's such a stupid question. “Me? Have you seen me?”

Jared blinks. “Yeah.. I have.”

Jensen scoffs. “You don't know me, Jared. I'm not good relationship material.” 

Jared bites on his lip, but it slips out anyway. “You're... a really good person, you're gorgeous, you're... Jensen, you have more worth than you know.” 

Jensen looks at him for a moment critically, then amusement sets in his features. “You really don't know me.” 

Jared sighs. “You're probably right, but it doesn't make what I've said, not true.” 

Jensen sighs, his voice trembling with a little emotion and quiet. “No one else thinks so.”

And by that, Jared knows he means Jeff.

__

\----------

He couldn't fall asleep for an hour, and now he wakes up to talking a second night. He lays still, closing his eyes even though they won't bring him slumber. 

“Maybe, when we find somewhere to live permanently, we can get married,” Genevieve says, a smile obvious in her voice.

“Jared could be our preacher,” Misha says in the dark.

“I bet he'd like that,” Genevieve replies. “but it's too bad Jensen is so oblivious or we could have a double wedding.”

Misha chuckles. “Gen, even if Jared told him. Jensen probably wouldn't give him the time of day.”

Genevieve sighs. “That's stupid, Jared could be so good for him.”

“I know, sweetheart but Jen's kind of an ass when it comes to the love stuff and ontop of that, I have no clue if he bats for home team,” Misha says with amusement in his voice. “But I agree, he could be good for him. I just think Jensen needs to be loved.”

“I'm awake, you know,” Jensen speaks up from Jared's left and Jared feels his stomach drop out. Oh fuck, oh god. Because not cool, he'd done good so far without Jensen knowing and he doesn't want to make things weird between them. 

Everything goes silent and a few minutes later, Jensen says. “I already knew.” 

“You weren't supposed to. Stay asleep like everyone else,” Genevieve huffs. 

“The kid makes it obvious,” Jensen says with a laugh in his voice.

“Oh, well... give him a chance?,” Misha speaks up tentatively. 

Jensen huffs. “No thanks. He's kind of a pathetic puppy waiting on his hunches for my attentions.” 

Jared lays there, starts shaking and tears spring to his eyes. Jensen really thinks of him that way? He tries not to feel hurt at the words, but he can't breathe and the dismissive tone in his voice makes him feel stupid for a moment that he even loves the man. But it's not like he thinks the man is going to wake up and suddenly love him someday, no matter how much he cares about him.

“You're an asshole,” Genevieve says coldly. “The boy loves you.” 

Jensen sighs. “Stop talking and sleep.” 

Genevieve laughs bitterly. “You need to get the stick out of your ass.” 

“There's a stick in my as because I'm not interested in his feelings for me?,” Jensen asks bitingly. 

There's a rustle. “Yeah, because something good could come out of it instead of you pining after Jeff, who left your sorry ass.” 

“Fuck you, bitch!,” Jensen says with real heat. “You have no clue what you're talking about.” 

There's more rustling, a lot of it and Misha says. “Gen! Lay back down.”

“”No one calls me a bitch, Ackles,” Genevieve growls, the sound of dirt kicking up. Jared pictures he walking over to Jensen across the way and his stomach tenses, afraid there's going to be a fight.

“Genny, stop this. He's just... having a hard time,” Misha tries soothing. 

“I don't need you sticking up for me, Misha. If she wants to hit me, let her. Not like I'll hit a woman back, so she's got free reign,” Jensen says, unconcerned for his welfare.

It's quiet for a moment and then. “No, you know what? You're not worth it.” There comes a rustling again and a few seconds after the sounds die down. “And you're the biggest fool, I've ever met. You don't know what you're losing, when you've already gained it.”

“Doesn't matter to me, _bitch._ ,” Jensen says with glee in his voice. 

“Oh, you son of a-,” Gen says cut off by Misha. “Just let it go. Sleep, baby. Sleep.” 

“Fine. Night, Mish,” Gen says quietly, Jared almost can't hear. 

“Night darling,” Misha says back as everything silent save for the sounds of the woods. 

Jared closes his eyes, and realizes his cheeks are wet, and his eyelashes are damp. He opens them to see a blurry world before him and he stops a sniffle from happening. He shouldn't be this sad over someone not wanting him. He swallows, closes his eyes and wills himself to sleep, tries not to pay attention to the throbbing ache in his heart. 

\----------

“Got a rabbit!,” Chad calls somewhere from his right.

“Got two!,” Misha says from the left. 

“I've managed to wound one?,” Alona pipes up, sounding a little shy.

“I'll help you find it,” Chad calls out, the sound of running and branches groaning. 

“I've got one too,” Jared yells, it's dead, throat sliced and hanging by the ears in his hand.

“Just need three m-,” Misha says but he's cut off by the sound of a scream. 

He automatically thinks of Jensen, Genevieve and Sandy back at the camp. He turns and high tails it back to the camp, skidding to a halt at the sight of two men and one's holding Sandy at knife point. Long stringy brown hair, sunken in face. Jared slides behind a tree, peering out, his heart pounding in his chest and he can't help thinking how scared Sands must be. He hears footsteps behind him and he turns. “Stay outta sight,” he hisses, as Misha comes in his line of sight. “We need a plan.” 

“We just want all your goods and then we'll be on our way,” The man with the knife says.

“Sorry, buddy but we can't do that. There's more of us than there are of you two,” Jensen says calmly, standing his ground as he holds a knife in his hand, blade glinting in the sunlight.

“We take it or she dies,” the stringy haired man says, throttling Sandy tight against him.

“We'll share with you,” Sandy cries out in a whimper as the blade is pressed to her throat. 

“We don't share with anyone,” The other man says, much taller than stringy, he's as tall as Jared and his eyes seem coal black.

“You see the clearning,” Misha whispers behind him.

“Yeah,” he says back. 

“We're surrounded by trees. We'll toe off our shoes and go around behind the trees, and come out behind the men. No making noise, you take left and I'll take right,” Misha instructs.

Jared briefly wonders where Alona and Chad are but there's no time for that, he just hopes they don't fuck things up. “Okay,” he says, taking off his sneakers quietly and then moving off around the circle of the trees, hiding behind them as he tries making as little noise as possible. The clearing is pretty big, and the trees surrounding are pretty large but he comes to a tree that has another tree beside it that is baby thin and he stops for a moment to catch his breath.

“Fine, you can take it,” Genevieve says, though she doesn't sound happy but Jared knows she wouldn't want anything to happen to Sandy. If he were In her position, he'd cave and give over their survivalism too. 

“No way in hell. We won't survive out here without that stuff,” Jensen says, obviously not going without a fight.

The men start talking again but Jared doesn't pay attention, he sees Misha nearly at the back of the men from across the way and Misha puts a finger to his lips, and Jared nods as he takes off again having to run as quick as he can between the too large gap. He hasn't been noticed yet but he screws it up anyway, when he steps on a branch with his bare foot and feels it cut into his skin. “Fuck,” he cries out. 

“Who else is here with you?,” One of the men asks sharply.

He hears a groan. And then “You little cunt!” 

Jared turns to see Misha coming up behind the tall one, rock In his hand as he slams it into the back of his skull. The guy goes down like a house of cards, folding in on himself and Jensen is already on the stringy haired man, his fist pummeling into his face like a wild man as the guy begs for him to stop. 

Jensen straddles him and commands. “Go get those jump ropes, Sandy.” 

She nods, running toward her and Genevieve's backpacks as she gets them out. She takes them back and hands them to Jensen. “What do you plan to do?”

Jensen goes. “Tie them up, what else?”

“Guess you're not entirely heartless,” Genevieve says breezily.

Jared hops out of the woods, his foot bleeding a little and stinging. “No, he's not.” He swallows and looks at Jensen, who peers at him for a moment before returning to the task at hand. 

Misha drags the other guy over by the collar, pushes him against stringy haired. “Your friend isn't dead.” 

String haired goes. “You just gonna tie us up and leave us here?”

Jensen goes. “Not yet. Some things we need to do and then we'll let you go, barring you don't try and hurt any of us again.” 

“Fuck you,” The man spits.

Jensen raises his fist, a malicious look on his face. “Want some more, partner?”  
The man stills, head bowed. “Fucking idiots. Couldn't just let us take what we wanted.”

“Why should you decide rather we can have what we have?,” Genevieve asks coldly. 

“Doesn't matter now. You won, bitch,” The man says with a bloody smile.

Genevieve walks over and smacks him in the face so hard, his head spins to the side and blood flies from his mouth.”No one and I mean no one, calls me a bitch.” 

Jensen whistles. “Thank god, Misha stopped you last night. That sounded like it actually hurt.” 

“Yeah, well, you would have gotten worse than that,” Genevieve says as she turns to look at Jared. “What happened, sweetie?”

Jared shrugs. “Stopped on a sharp branch, almost fucked up our little operation.” 

The man seethes as Jensen hands Misha the other jump rope, they're almost like thick rope a little on the heavy side but apparently Genevieve and Sandy have had them since they were kids. Made by their mothers. They tie up their wrists and ankles, forcing them to collapse on themselves backs bowed somewhat. 

“Come on, this is cruel!,” stringy complains. 

“Should have thought of that before you tried killing our friend and taking our shit,” Jensen says with a smile as he plops down back on his sleeping bag. 

“And just to warn you. While Jensen is being generous, I'll take your life myself if you get loose and try to hurt anyone here again,” Misha says. 

“But to be more generous. While you're here. We'll feed you. How's that sound?,” Sandy says, looking pissy over the fact. 

The stringy haired man, looks up in surprise. “... Thanks.” 

Sandy nods curtly. “You're welcome.” 

Misha and Genevieve go back into the forest to find Alona and Chad. They come back a half hour later, hands full of rabbits, even the one Jared dropped in the earth. Jensen and Jared skin them side by side, and Jared tries not to think about the fact that Jensen doesn't care about him. It hurts him a little even as Jensen tries to explain how he's skinning wrong and touches his fingers to show him how to get underneath the skin, but not to take away chunks of meat. It's been a long time since he's done it. 

They roast three rabbits at a time. Letting the girls eat first, and then the boys go. 

“Feeding me like a goddamn baby, can't you just untie my hands?,” Stringy asks.

“Nope. Besides... a pretty girl is feeding you. Don't you know when to say thank you?,” Sandy says cheekily.  
Stringy grumbles, opening his mouth for another piece as Sandy drops it in and he chews. He swallows and says. “Names Matthew. That over there is Mark.” He nods to his half groggy friend that might have a concussion. 

“Hey,” Mark says sleepily, as Alona feeds him as well. 

“I'd tell you all our names, but we're not going to be in each others presence long,” Sandy says honestly. 

Jared turns his eyes away from the scene, then turns to Jensen as the man ravenously eats at his rabbit, licking and sucking at his fingers in a way that makes Jared's cock stir in his pants and he tries to will it down. He speaks, hoping his voice doesn't betray him. “Why did you let them live?”

Jensen stops mid bite, chews and swallows before shrugging. “I don't like killing unless I have too and they're just two hungry travelers who don't know any better.” 

“Maybe they're bandits and have people waiting for them,” Jared says, poking around at his own rabbit, he's not too fond of it unless it's in a stew with fresh potatoes and carrots.

Jensen shakes his head after eating a few more pieces. “If that were the case, people would have come looking for them already.”

Jared smiles. “See, you're... amazing. You know all this stuff and you're so good at it, and you let people live even when they do bad things.”

Jensen stills for a moment. “I only know what Jeff taught me.”

“And you perfected that,” Jared says softly. 

Jensen makes a face, but Jared can't really see it. “Save your compliments for someone who could use them.” 

Jared's heart sinks and he looks down, blush rising on his cheeks from embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Hey, you men,” Matthew says. 

Everyone looks over. “Yes?,” Misha questions, eyebrow cocked. 

“We have weapons, not far from here,” Matthew says. “If you'd be willing to part with some of your food. We would be more than happy to trade.”

“How can we trust that you won't just get those weapons and kill us?,” Jensen asks, his voice carefully controlled. 

“I know I haven't shown that we won't but I can promise you, my word is as good as God,” Matthew says earnestly.

“Yeah, won't hurt you guys. We're just hungry, nearly starving. You should see Matt's ribs,” Mark says, having some labored breathing. “Looks like a skeleton.” 

“Alright. Do you have guns?,” Misha asks.

“And bullets,” Matt says.

“Then it's settled. We'll go with you, just to get weapons ourselves and then come back here to give you the food,” Jensen says firmly.

Matthew nods. “That's fine. Thank you.” 

“Why didn't you bring guns in the first place?,” Jared asks, curious.

“Well, we were only going to hunt rabbits since a whole lot of deer aren't around here and we didn't think we'd need them,” Mark explains, eyes droopy in the light. 

Jared nods. “I see.” Not sure if he wants to trust them or not.

\-----------

Matthew and Mark weren't lying. They did have guns, they forked over three pistols and two shotguns. Along with plenty of ammunition. So much that they had a hard time storing it somewhere accessible in their duffel bags and backpacks. They don't know the time, but it can't be any later than a little in the afternoon, they pack up and start walking. Jared feels like he's carrying too much stuff, weighed down in his hands and over his back. Truthfully, they're dead targets with so much stuff if anyone runs across them but they are a group of seven, maybe people won't mess with them. 

They come into a neighborhood, that is free of cars in driveways and on the sides of the street. It's a ghost town like any other place. “We should stop for the night,” Jared says as his feet are too tired to move anymore, and the bags have made his body feel like lead.

“Yes, please. We can squat in any of the houses,” Genevieve says with an almost dreamy sigh. 

“I actually agree with you for once, _Genny_ ,” Jensen says, a not so kind smile on his face. 

Genevieve rolls her eyes. “Well, I imagine.. I'm pretty sure we're all exhausted.” 

There's a murmur of agreement as Misha speaks up. “That one looks good.” He points to a large red brick house. 

“Hope that doors unlocked,” Chad says with a groan as they start making their way over. 

The door is infact unlocked and as soon as they're through. Alona locks it behind her. “Where do you propose we sleep? Upstairs?”

Jensen shakes his head. “Nah, that's too dangerous. We'd just end up sitting ducks.”

“Sleeping bags on the living room sound good,” Jared says in agreement, as he walks into the living room which isn't far from the front door. There's a small love seat, and pictures of cats all over the living room. He blinks, a little creeped out. Eyes darting to framed picture on top of the oak entertainment center of an old woman with four cats surrounding her. 

“So.... Creepy cat lady lived here,” Chad says.

“I noticed,” Genevieve says with a laugh. 

“Help me move this couch and the end tables,' Jensen says as he sets all his bags and guitar down by the archway.

Jared says. “Sure, better to set up now before night falls.” And they still have daylight. 

\-------------

Everyone has gone to sleep. Jared doesn't know why, but Jensen keeps setting up close to him, their sleeping bags are beside each other, and Jared leans back against the wall unable to sleep. He tried not thinking of Katie, and it wasn't hard until they got into the safety of a house. Somehow homes make you feel everything is alright and then your guilt sneaks up on you when that happens, and eats away at your soul. 

Jensen is up against the wall too. They haven't really spoken in the past half hour since neither could sleep. 

Jared sits with his thoughts and realizes he can't take them anymore. He needs to speak. “How do you do it?” 

“Do what?,” Jensen asks softly.

“Kill someone and not, worry about what you've done?,” Jared questions, head thumping back against the wall.

Jensen looks at him in the dark, moonlight spilling through hallway window. His eyes shine for a moment and Jared tries not to think about how beautiful he is. “You think I what? Killed Jim and I'm okay?”His voice has slightly accusatory.

Jared shakes his head. “No, No, Jen. Not what I mean.. I just mean you seem fine and I'm not really doing so well.” 

Jensen scoffs. “I'm doing about as well are you are then. Jim was good to me. I thought he was my friend.”

“Mine too...,” Jared trails off, he hasn't really thought too much about how they were betrayed by the people they trusted. Now that he thinks about it, they could have just overthrown the government instead of killing them but he has a feeling they would have killed him, Jensen, Chad and Misha to silence the truth.  
It goes silent for a moment, not awkward at all after a few minutes Jensen says. “I killed a man when I was a teenager.” 

Jared turns his head, gaze locked on him. “Why?” 

Jensen stays quiet for a moment then says. “Because he tried raping my mom and almost killed Jeff.” 

“I'm sorry,” Jared says gently.

Jensen waves a hand, Jared can barely see it. “Not like you had anything to do with it. He got what he deserved and that's the end of it.”

Jared nods. “How did Jeff become a part of your life?” 

Jensen speaks, a smile in his voice. “My dad had just died. My mom and I were alone in this big house. Jeff knocked on the door one day, smiled this crazy smile and asked if he could rest for awhile. My mom didn't trust him at first, she was unsure you know? But something about him, just rubbed me the right way and I felt like he had to be in our lives. The rest is history after that.” 

Jared smiles. “Yeah, sometimes you get good vibes about people and it just sticks.” 

Jensen chuckles. “You ever feel that way about anyone?”

Jared's heart jumps in his throat, he swallows. “My friends, of course. … You too.” 

“What? Don't think of me as a friend?,” Jensen asks, mock hurt in his voice.

Does he? In a way it's strange the way he tries not to think of Jensen as a friend, as if he'd be asking too much just to be a close person to him. “You're my friend too, if you want to be.” 

Jensen speaks, there's definitely a hint of a smile in the dark. “I want to be.” 

Jared feels giddy suddenly and has to swallow it down, his stomach fluttering as if he's thirteen and still has a crush on Sal Peterson, who would later call him a fag and spit in his face because Jared tried to kiss him. He knocks that thought away, focusing on the positive present. “I'd like that.” 

Jensen knocks his shoulder with his and looks up at him, eyes shining again in the moonlight. “Me too.” 

“We should try and sleep,” Jared says, eyes feeling heavy.

Before Jensen can say anything however, there's gunshots ringing out not too far from the house. **_PopPopPop_** and someone screams. Jensen goes still against him, rigid in his shoulder and Jared stays quiet. Someone screams _'No! Please don't!'_ someone else laughs, then there's more laughter. The sounds go on for what feels like forever and then there's a slam up against the front door.

“Shit,” Jared breathes.

“Shh,” Jensen whispers.

The doorknob jingles ruthlessly and someone pounds against it several times. 

“What if they break a window and try to come in?,” Jared hisses quietly as possible. 

“Just wait...,” Jensen says in a clipped tone.

The pounding ceases abruptly and there's a gurgled shout, but it gets further away from the house and the noises die down after seconds, moments, minutes pass,Jared isn't sure and Jensen beside him, breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Okay, going to bed before anything else happens,” Jensen whispers as his sleeping bag rustles and he lays down.

“Yeah, good idea,” Jared murmurs as he does the same. 

\----------

She stands there with her long wavy blonde hair falling over her shoulders, it's like a halo for her face, a knife in her right hand as a spotlight shines down on her. She stares at him, an accusing kind and Jared stands there, rooted to the spot, unable to move In the darkness. “What do you think God would say? What do you think your father would say? His kind, gracious and god-fearing boy done murdered a woman in cold blood.” 

Jared tries to shake his head, and speak but nothing comes out. 

“Where do you think you're going, boy? Your heaven isn't anymore, you're going somewhere cold, where you'll be eaten over and over again for the flesh you consumed. By the mouths of many as you beg for your life,” she says, and he realizes her voice is almost creole with a hint of southern. It reminds him of Leianna Leveau, a woman who was at the camp ages ago before she left for greater pastures. “That's all that's waiting, all for you, Jared.” 

He wants to shout, wants to scream, wants to plead with her to give him a better sentence, and then suddenly out of her back unfolds giant white angel wings. Sparkling in the light as if the feathers are encrusted with diamonds. Her voice changes back to her own. “We were only trying to feed people, Jared. What's so wrong with that?” 

He wants to tell her how wrong it is and his mouth moves to open finally as a breath exhales from it and before he can say anything, she takes the knife in her hand and slices her throat from one end to the other, the darkness and spotlight jump away into nothing but white and blood spills from her throat, cascading down her naked body, blood trails dripping onto the floor. She smiles, bloody as it pours from her mouth, oozing from the crease in her lips. “God don't want you Jared. A gay murderer,” she garbles. “It's a laughable acceptance.” 

She takes the knife and plunges it in her eye, and something about the way she does it, jars Jared from his sleep, gasping for breath and sitting straight up as he stares wide eyed into the creeping blue sky of morning. He can't breathe, his hand clutches at his throat and he feels a hand in his hair, soothing and making his scalp tingle, he thinks it's Genevieve or Sandy but then a voice speaks, soothing, male. “Hey, calm down. Only a nightmare, Jared.” 

He turns his head, and comes face to face with Jensen. “I couldn't... I did... I can't...” 

“What's wrong?,” Alona asks sleepily from somewhere near by. 

“Nothing, go back to sleep,” Jensen tells her calmly, turning to look at her. 

“Okay,” she murmurs, curling back into her sleeping bag and mumbling. 

Jensen turns back to look at Jared. “You alright now?” His hand still petting his hair. 

And Jared closes his eyes and tries to relish in the feel good, instead of echoing words resounding in his head. “Yeah, Yeah.. just... a bad dream. I'll be okay.” 

Jensen drops his hand with a nod, and pushes Jared back down onto the floor. Jared goes willingly and is surprised when Jensen throws an arm over his waist and murmurs. “Just try and sleep.” 

Jared nods, Katie dancing behind his eyes but as soon as Jensen's face is pressed against his arm, warm breath ghosting, he sees nothing but Jensen's rare genuine smile. 

When they wake up later In the day, the house across the street is on fire and there's a few dead bodies littering the front lawns. It's the way of the world, no matter how fucked up and sad it is. Jared just wishes for a different day, a different time, a different reality. Anything else is better than this. 


	2. Chapter 2

They travel for hours on end, Jared's foot aches. He's starting to wonder when he'll stop aching from everything. He's about ready to fall asleep, but he keeps chattering to Jensen who looks like he's starting to get irritated with how much he's been talking. He keeps going anyway. “I slept with a mountain lion once when I got lost from my parents. I was five, I think it thought I was a cub and kept grabbing me by my shirt sleeve to lead me to it's cave.”

“Ah huh,” Jensen utters. 

“And I slept in the cave all day, and tried to eat raw meat. Not sure what it was, but it tasted gross as shit. Anyway, my parents were calling for me and I ran from the cave even though the lion growled when I did and they were coming up the mountain side,” Jared continues. “They ran to me and the lion came out, and it growled again. Kept staring my parents down. My mom soothed it with these baby words, and the lion came over and let her pet it. Now I realize what was wrong with the lion. I remember there being dead cubs further into the cave and it smelled terrible but I didn't really think anything of it then.” 

“That's really sad,” Jensen murmurs.

“Yeah, makes me feel bad everytime I think about it. If she hadn't been a wild animal, we could have kept her as a pet,” Jared says with a sigh. He's never had a pet, always wanted one. 

Jensen nods, as they come into a new neighborhood, much nicer than the last. The suburbs. 

Jared bites his bottom lip, feeling eager like a puppy and he realizes Jensen is right, he's kinda pathetic. He stops biting at his lip and tries to stop imagining his wagging tail. “Am I annoying you?” It slips out without meaning to.

Jensen turns his head, smiles. “No, keep talking. You're keeping me from being bored.' 

Jared's stomach flip flops at the gentle pull of Jensen's lips and he smiles back, looking down bashfully. “Okay.” He does keep talking, clear until the sun lowers in the sky, indicating it'll be dark soon. 

The group comes to a halt when they hear laughter and chatting not far from where they are. 

“What do we do?,” Sandy asks in a small voice. “I really don't want a repeat of the forest.” 

“We wait,” Misha instructs, watching as three people come from around the side of a house. 

Jared can tell right away that it's two men and one man, by the bulk of the males and the slight build of the female. When they see Jared and his group, they stop in the tracks. Everything silent as they have a silent stare off. “We don't want any trouble.” Jared says calmly.

The girl laughs. “I don't know about that, baby. You seem to have an awful lot of stuff.” She starts twirling a knife in her hand and then puts it in a sheath. 

“Carla does have a point,” one of the men concedes as he takes out a gun.  
Everything is tense for a few moments and then Genevieve and Misha are dropping their bags and taking out their pistols. Everyone drops their stuff and shots are being fired, somewhere around him as Jared takes out his shotgun. He hears Sandy cry out and turns to watch her on the ground, holding her thigh as she whimpers. He goes to her, laying the shotgun down. He looks down at the wound and realizes she's been shot.

“Fuck, it hurts so bad,” she says, voice shaky.

“Shit, we gotta... we have to...,” Jared stumbles. He looks back to see Jensen getting too close in range to the little group and his heart hitches a beat, and he wants to yell at him to take cover but Sandy has been shot and god, why is this happening.

“Go freaking fight, Jared. I can handle myself,” Sandy hisses, eyes closed.

“I can't leave you by yourself, they could use that to their advantage,” Jared says firmly and then he hears someone else cry out and turns back to see that the woman has gone down for the count. And then there goes one of the men. 

“You're a sitting duck, idiot!,” Sandy scolds him.

“So are you!,” he spits, arms going up in a arc as if it'll prove his point. 

She shoves at his shoulder, it jars her and she hisses. “Go!”

Jared rolls his eyes and picks up his shotgun, about to get in the fight when he hears a choked off shout and watches as Alona goes down to the ground on her front. Then the last one standing seems to have run out of bullets, he turns and runs back through the houses. 

“We have to go, he might have some friends,” Genevieve says, her voice panicked as she makes her way over to Sandy and crouches down.

“We can't keep walking,” Jared announces, even though that's obvious. “We'll have to get in one of the houses.” 

“I'll go check them out, see if we can get in any of them,” Misha says as he starts running toward the first house. 

Jensen doesn't even say anything, just runs off to the next one. 

Chad is bent down by Alona and he's turning her over. Jared fears the worse, and Chad is shaking her as hard as he can. 

“Whas... going on?,” Alona heaves, trying to sit up and then groaning as her hand goes to her soaked red side. “Who shot me?”

“The last asshole standing did,” Chad says, hate in his voice. 

Jared feels helpless, he doesn't know what to do. So he takes off and starts doing the same on the opposite side of the street. “Don't break any windows,” Misha yells. “We don't want to alert anyone.” 

Jared rolls his eyes. “Yelling doesn't help!” 

Just as he makes it up the lawn of the first house, the door swings open and a woman with long wavy brown hair stands there, there's some gray at her temples. She looks rough around the edges, but something about her is sweet, kind. “Tell your friends they're invited here,” she says, looking at Jared with concern. 

Jared stands there dumbfounded, surprised anyone was even living there. 

“Well, boy. Go on,” she says, making a shooing motion with her hands. 

Jared nods and does as he's told. Ten minutes later, between everyone carrying extra bags Misha and Genevieve helping Sandy across the road, and Jared carrying Alona. They're inside this woman's house, which is oddly enough furnished and feels lived in. 

“Put her on the couch,” the woman advises. 

Jared puts Alona down gently and she let's out a soft groan. She had been shaking in his arms and he's afraid for her life. “Who knows how to take out a bullet?”

“I do,” Jensen says as he walks beside him, then bends down by Alona. “We'll have to get your shirt off, Alona. Someone get me a first aid kit and it better have tweezers.” 

“Don't forget about Sands,” Genevieve says as she rummages in bags and comes up with a first aid box and places it beside Jensen. 

“Don't worry, I won't,” Jensen says as he helps Alona out of her jacket and shirt. 

“I'll go get you some fresh hot water, and some towels. Don't want you getting my couch all bloody,” The woman says as she leaves the room.

“Fresh hot water?,” Jared echoes, raising his eyebrows. 

“Some people are just lucky like that,” Chad says, the skin between his eyes is pinched with worry and he's gnawing on his lips like Jared hasn't seen in a long time. The last time was when his mother was dying of some unknown illness and he knew she was going to pass away in the night. 

“Mama. Who came in?,” A little girl's voice calls from somewhere in the house.

Jared and Chad exchange a look. 

“Just some people that need help, Astor. Keep your brothers upstairs while we do some adult things,” the woman says as she comes back into the living room with a large blue ceramic bowl of water. 

“Yes, mama,” Astor says obediently and Jared realizes it was coming from the top of the stairs.  
Jensen takes the bowl from her and sets it on the floor. Chad looks like he wants to go to his knees and be beside Alona but Jensen says. “Don't even think about it Murrary, need all the space I can get.” 

The woman disappears again and comes back with Towels. “Sit her up,” she commands and Jensen complies as she lays down plush blue towels, underneath Alona's back. 

Jensen huffs irritated. “I know you're all worried but can some of you leave for a little while. I can't think with everyone in such a small space.” 

“I'll go,” Sandy says, as she tries to get up out of the armchair. 

“No, you stay, everyone else, shoo,” Jensen says, then looks embarrassed. “You too, Miss. If you don't mind.”

The woman chuckles. “It's okay. I'd be stressed too.” She turns to everyone. “Let's listen to the man.” 

As Jared leaves the room he hears Jensen go “Looks like I'm saving your ass, Tal.” and Alona gives a labored chuckle. “Shut up, asshole.” 

He smiles and hopes everything will be alright.

\-------------

“My name is Sam Ferris,” The woman finally tells them as she spoons bowls of home made chicken noodle soup into deep red shiny bowls and passes them along to Genevieve to give to the others. There's lights on in the kitchen and Jared marvels at how it's even possible. “I've got four children. Astor is my oldest at fifteen, girl you heard not long ago. Then there's my boys. Troy, who is thirteen. Devin, 10 and my baby, Angelo. He's five. Probably last child I'll have.”

Kids. Everytime he sees a child living in this world, he can't help feeling sorry for them. No kid should have to grow up this way, he's lived it himself. Didn't even know what the world was like before it all went down. Just stories from the older generations who had been there when it happened and before it happened. “I'm Jared,” he offers. “Pleasure to meet you, Sam.”

“You too, honey,” She says with a smile, as she hands Genevieve another bowl and spoon, forking it over to Jared. 

Everyone introduces themselves, as they eat something they haven't had in a very long time. Sam gets them hunks of fresh baked bread and everyone looks at each other like _How is this broad getting the good stuff?'_

“I know what you're wondering,” Sam announces. Everyone looks up startled. “If you take a look in my back yard. You'll see how wide and spacious it is. My husband, Yanni and I have crops and a garden. Small but it's enough for us. We also have chickens, a couple pigs and a few cows in a small barn and chicken pen. We also have a security gate up. The electricity, running water and everything else is because this community came together to make it that way. There's other people here, but no one answered the door, because well...” 

“Wish we had found a place like this a long time ago,” Misha says as he slurps broth with his head tipped back. 

“This is so cool, it's almost like how it was before,” Chad says in awe, as he dips bread into the bowl. 

“You don't even know how it was before,” Genevieve says with a laugh.

“I can imagine,” Chad says with mock hurt. 

“Unfortunately, there's no where open where you lot could stay but you're welcome to my home until your friends heal up and are able to make a trip to wherever you're headed,” Sam offers, more generous than she needs to be to a group of strangers. 

“We'd really appreciate that,” Jared says with a smile. 

“Yes, thank you, Mrs. Ferris,” Misha says, smiling as well. 

It's then that Jensen comes in, hands covered in blood and a few blood stains on his shirt, but it doesn't look like he walked out of a horror movie or anything. “Bullets removed, both stitched up and resting. Sandy will make it but... Alona. I'm not so sure. She lost a lot of blood.” 

“Seriously?,” Chad asks, blue eyes big and sad like a child's.

Jensen looks grim. “All we can do is see if she pulls through the night.” 

“You hungry, boy?,” Sam asks him. 

Jensen nods at first, then shakes his head. “Thanks but you should feed the kids and the girls first before you feed me. I can eat something else.” 

“Oh stop, plenty enough here for everyone. I make it it in bulk so I can freeze it for later,” Sam chides, grabbing a bowl and filling it for him as she hands it off. 

Jensen stands there for a moment eating and then Jared gets up from his chair at the kitchen table. “Sit. I'll go check on the girls.” 

Jensen looks at him for a moment, then smiles in this secretive way that makes Jared's heart stutter. “Thanks, Jared.” 

He feels a blush creep up along his neck. “No problem.”

\-------------

Angel is curled up against Genevieve's side, his own blanket covering him. They all have pillows from Sam, which is a nice luxury but what's even more of one is being around a bunch of kids with bright spirits and positive attitudes. Which is likely thanks to their parents. Soon as Sam's children came downstairs, they were full of questions. Asking left and right _Where did you come from? Did you into bad people? Is it true there's mutants?_ and everyone had laughed at their antics. Astor had sat and talked to Jensen, while Jensen was in the other arm chair and she sat on one of the arms. Jensen soaked up the attention, flirting with her and making her giggle. Jared smiled the whole time, then felt a little sad that unless there were boys in this neighborhood, the girl would probably never know what first love was like.

Angel had taken to Genevieve and Sandy right away. Sam didn't seem to mind too much. Just said thanks for giving her a break from having them all chatting away at her at once. Chad is by Alona on the floor, while she's on the couch. Genevieve and Misha are curled up together, closer to the tv and Jensen is sandwiched between Genevieve, the kid and Jared. Sandy is upstairs sleeping in Sam's bed, and Alona should be too but she can't be moved right now. 

“I want kids,” Genevieve says dreamy like.

“We'll have them,” Misha says, grinning. “Two at least.”

“I want ten,” Genevieve crows. 

“Four and that's my final offer,” Misha says. “Because I'd die young with ten.”

“Fine. four and a half. I want a midget child too,” Genevieve jokes. 

“It's settled. Four and one small person,” Misha says sagely.

“You want kids, Jared?,” Genevieve asks. 

Jared chuckles softly. “I'm gay. How can I have kids?” 

“You could always adopt, you know, find a stray and take them in,” Genevieve says, humor in her voice. 

“Yeah, because that will happen,” Jared says sardonically. “No kid is dumb enough to wonder around alone and then come to some strange man, so he can raise him.”

“You never know,” Genevieve murmurs. 

“I'd want kids,” Jensen speaks up. “When I was about nine, ten, I wanted to find a baby in the garbage because my mom told me stories about young women who didn't appreciate the gift of life and all that. How they'd drop their babies off in dumpsters and for some reason, that made me want to find a baby and raise it as my own.”

Jared tries not to laugh but he does. “That's terrible.”

“Shut up, man,” Jensen almost whines but doesn't, not really. “ I was a kid. My imagination ran wild.” 

“If you ever find a baby in the garbage, I'll help you raise it,” Jared says, smiling.  
“Like I'd let you raise my child. You'd probably feed it those nasty dried blueberries you like so much,” Jensen says.

“You two sound so cute,” Genevieve coos. 

Jensen goes quiet and Jared squirms uncomfortable. 

“Geez, say one thing and you two clam up like an old woman's snatch,” Genevieve says. 

Jared rolls his eyes, not even wanting to think about Jensen and kids together. “His offered friendship is enough for him, or at least it has to be. “But yeah, I'd like kids. If I could have some.” 

“Here here,” Jensen agrees. 

“There are men who can carry.. or there used to be before the mutations,” Misha pipes up, sounding sleepy.

“I doubt it now,” Jensen says. “Probably made everyone else sterile. Surprised women can still carry.” 

“I always wondered how Al had his little boy and they never mentioned a mother. They always talked about his bestfriend, you know, the one who died and sometimes I'd hear Aiden calling the man Papa when he talked about him,” Genevieve says with curiosity in her voice. “Then Al would tell him not to say that, like he was afraid of someone finding out something. You know?” 

“If there are men who do, I doubt they'll tell anyone,” Jared says. “It was kind of an uproar when scientists force evolved men into doing it.” 

“Well, no one cares now. Any way to keep the world populated would be a welcomed one,” Misha says. 

Jensen huffs a harsh breath. “Yeah, because raising a kid in this world is the best thing to do. Probably better to let humanity die off.” 

“I wouldn't say that. I'd like to believe things will get better someday,” Misha says wisely. “Everyone is just too scattered and hostile to make that happen at the moment.”

Jared kinda agrees with Jensen but he agrees with Misha too. “I think you're both right, maybe we'll go half way at some point.” 

“Mommy?,” Angel's tiny voice sounds, sleepy. 

“Mommys sleeping, buddy. You should go back to sleep too,” Genevieve soothes, running a hand through his coal black hair. 

“Okay, Miss Genny,” Angel says as he snuggles into her and his breathing evens out a few minutes later.  
“That's a sign that we should get some sleep. We're waking up kids,” Misha announces quietly.

“Goodnight, guys,” Jared says, turning on his side, as his hands go under his pillow. In his dreams, Jensen's pregnant and he has his hands on his clothed baby belly, looking down in awe at the life they created together. He glows like an angel and kisses Jared on the mouth, chaste, sweet and Jared feels like he could stay right there forever.

\------------

Alona is fine, thank god. Her whole body hurts and she gets up to go to the bathroom, taking her twenty minutes just to get upstairs and pee. Sandy seems to be healing fine however, only having a slight limp. A week passes and it's the safest any of them have ever felt. Sam has no problem feeding them and they share their food with her and the kids since they have things they don't have the pleasure eating too often. Troy shyly asks for more sunflower seeds and Misha just laughs and hands them over.

Jared sits at the kitchen table, watching as Jensen helps Sam cook bacon sandwiches and green beans and potatoes in butter for dinner. Jared has been doing that a lot lately, feeling more free to go wherever Jensen goes. Jensen doesn't seem to mind, just sometimes looks at him with that secretive smile that sends Jared's body into pleasurable tingles. 

“Where is your husband, Sam?,” Jensen asks as he places a hunk of butter in the pan. 

“Oh, on a business trip. Just getting some seeds and other things we need in order to keep things growing and add some additions to the garden,” Sam says easily.

“Where does he go to do that?,” Jensen asks, his eyebrow raised. 

“The Hills,” Sam says, flipping bacon. 

Jensen visibly stiffens. Jared feels concern rise up. That was where Jeff had said he was going and that he'd come back for Jensen. Jensen, who, for a year said Jeff would be coming for him soon and then just stopped saying it one day. 

“You okay, hon?,” Sam asks, turning to look at him. Forehead wrinkled in concern.

Jensen nods curtly. “Yeah, fine. Just The Hills... seems like a dangerous place to try and get into.”

“Oh, it definitely is but we have some friends up that way, who come here to barter every now and again. So they know him, don't mind him. My man is friendly and nice. Sweetest person you'll ever meet,” Sam explains. 

“Where is it at?,” Jensen asks, his voice a little two curious. 

“Twenty miles south of here. Not really that hard of a walk, so Yanni would be back here sooner but he needs a break from helping run the household and the kids, so I let him be for about a week before he comes back,” Sam says as she throws raw bacon into the pan. 

“Ah, that's really cool of you. To be such an understanding wife,” Jensen says.

“Lord knows I try,” Sam says with a chuckle. “I get breaks too. Gardening relaxes me and while I do that, Yanni and Astor keep an eye on the kids.” 

“You have a good family,” Jensen says with a smile. 

“Thank you, dear. We try to be good people,” Sam says, glowing at the compliment. 

Jared can see the wheels in Jensen's mind turning and he tries to swallow the wave of nausea in his gut that makes him want to throw up because he can't lose Jensen, he won't. Even if that means Jensen could find someone he misses too much, and then he realizes how selfish it is to think that way. If Jensen leaves their group... it's up to him. He can't do anything about it but the thought pains him.

\-----------

Another week passes, and Alona is up playing with the kids, chasing them through the house and going out the back to play tag with them in the small space they do have in the yard. Chad goes along with her. Jared gets his stitches removed, it's healed over with a glaring red welt of a scar that will soon fade and turn pale on his tanned skin. Jensen and him spend so much time together, that Genevieve and Sandy complain that they're not getting enough Jared time but they do it teasingly. Both their eyes shining in that secretive way.

Jared doesn't think it's going anywhere, and he doesn't want to get his hopes up. Jensen hasn't made any signals that he wants to be anything other than friends with him. He isn't going to push, just to be in his presence is enough. 

Jared is sitting at the kitchen table once again, playing a game of Uno. He's won three times in a row and has been accused of cheating by Alona. He once again wins the round by sheer luck, or at least he thinks so, when he picks up a different colored three from the pile and goes out. Jensen throws down his cards and throws up his hands. “I'm with Alona, you are fucking cheating!” 

Jared looks appalled. “How can you cheat at Uno, dude?”

“Cheating is possible with any game,” Alona says, giving him the evil eye.

“I swear, I'm just getting lucky,” Jared says with a pout. 

“Leave the boy alone. He won fair and square,” Sam says with a laugh, Angel sitting in her lap as he's been helping her with her hands. 

“Yeah, sure,” Jensen grumbles, sulking. 

“Another round?,” Jared asks cheekily.

“Why? You'll just win again,” Alona accuses. 

“I promise, I'll throw my hands to give you a chance,” Jared says, giving her puppy dog eyes.

“Then it's not fun anymore,” Jensen says.

“Challenges make the game,” Alona says in agreement. 

There's sudden pounding and they all startle, looking sharply down the hallway toward the front door. Misha appears in the hallway and looks back at them. “Sam. Should I answer?”

Sam shakes her head. “My husband or any of the neighbors wouldn't knock like that.”

“Who could it be then?,” Jared asks. 

“Probably bandits. We do have an agreement with the local bandits not to raid or fight us, long as he give them goods and they've never broken that agreement but...,” she trails off.

“But what?,” Jensen pushes.

“You did kill their friends. I was expecting an uproar sooner or later,” Sam says, face a little sad. 

The pounding grows intense, and they can hear garbled talking beyond the door. Then they're trying to break it down, someone's ramming into it harder than necessary. 

Jensen sighs. “We should make quick work of them before they hurt Sam and the kids.” 

Jared nods in agreement. “Yeah, let's do that.”

“Go upstairs with the kids,” Jensen tells her and she nods, putting Angel down and carrying him along as they disappear up the steps. 

“I'll get the girls upstairs,” Misha says, coming into the kitchen quickly then disappearing into the living room. Chad comes into the kitchen a few seconds later, handing them guns.

“I'll answer,” Jared says as he starts walking down the hallway and toward the door. It's groaning under the pressure. 

“Jared, no. I'll do it,” Jensen offers.

“No, it's cool. I can use the fact that I'm a Sasquatch to my advantage. Maybe it'll scare them away,” Jared says easily. “Go into the living room, if they attack. I know you got my back.”

“Alright, just, be careful,” Jensen says, concern in his eyes. “And don't use your gun unless you have to.”

It warms Jared. “Okay, and I will.”

The others make themselves scarce. The ramming stops when he gets up close, he unlocks the door and pulls it open. Like ripping pulling out staples so they don't hurt too much. He sees two men talking. He wonders why they didn't break a fucking window instead of trying to take the door off the hinges. “Hey, can I help you?”

The turn toward him. One has goggles over his face and the other has a machete, dark skinned. That might pose to be a problem. The one with the goggles and says. “We talked to the neighbors and they said there were some people here, that killed our friends.”

Jared tries to keep his face as blank as possible. “I'm sorry, but there isn't anyone here but me and my family.”

The other guy gives a critical look. “You're a fucking liar. You're the really tall one.”

Jared raises his eyebrow. “There's a lot of tall people. What makes you think it was me?” 

“You're too young to be Yanni,” the dark skinned man says with a smirk. 

“We know the people here, and we know you're bullshitting us,” Goggles says. 

Jared already sees it coming, the fist flies at his face and he ducks out of the way, stumbling into the coat rack and takes it down with him. The men come into the house and Jared pushes himself up in time to see Misha getting punched in the face by goggles. Jensen jumps on Machete's back, and the man swings the machete around, trying to fling him off. The machete swings and knocks over a pale blue lamp. Chad keeps ducking and staying too close like he's going to attempt to get the machete off the guy. 

Jared moves to help Misha, but goggles seems to sense him coming and punches him in the throat, hard enough to knock his breath away. He tries to breathe, gasping for breath and before goggles slashes him across the face, he reaches up on reflex and grabs his palm, then his fingers and twists the knife out of his hand. “You decide to attack a house full of kids? That's pretty fucking low.”

Goggles face tightens. “You should have come outside and gave yourselves up.” 

Jared sees it coming when his fist goes for his stomach, he jumps out of the way and ends up punching the man in his side. “Just go and leave us alone,” Jared says as he keeps punching him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of the man. “They! Started! It! First!” 

The man stumbles back, falling on his ass and there's a sudden cracking pop ringing out and Jared turns to see Machete falling to the floor, the back of his head has a hole and blood gushes out. Jensen stands over him, breathing hard and his face contorted in anger.

Jared turns back to the man on the floor. “Like I said, leave us alone. We wouldn't have killed them if they weren't trying to hurt us. We only kill if we need to.” 

The man sneers. “Fucking white hats.” He gets up, bumping into Jared purposely as he moves past him. 

“And don't come back. We won't be here next time. Leave Sam and her family alone too, they won't even know where we're going,” Jensen tells him as he leaves out the door. “Hell, we don't even know.” 

Misha's nose is bloody, but it's not broken. “We should clean up the body and floor then call everyone down.”

“Do you think they'll come back?,” Chad asks.

Jensen shakes his head. “I think they're a _family_ of bandits and if they all agreed revenge was needed, more would have come. Obviously, if this neighborhood has a pact with them, they don't want to bring trouble.” 

“Sounds reasonable,” Jared says, neck still aching a little. He'll probably bruise, but he's had worse. 

They get rid of the body, and Chad cleans up the floor. Muttering about idiots starting a fight in a house with children. The kids are pretty shaken when they come downstairs, well Astor is, the boys are too scared to come down. Sam makes a comment about the lamp being broken and it being her favorite one but says she'll have Yanni get her another one. The group decide to stay for the night and then move on before they cause anymore trouble for Sam and her family. 

Xxxxxxxx

Jared wakes up the next morning, groggy and needing coffee. He's been pampered by caffeine. Chad and Alona are sitting at the kitchen table, nursing their own cups of coffee as Sam makes hot cakes for breakfast. Jared gets a cup from the cabinet and pours himself a steaming mug as he sits down by his usual spot by the kitchen door. Hair messy and half asleep. 

“Good morning, Jared,” Alona says. 

“Morning,” Jared murmurs. “When we leaving?”

“Misha said in a couple hours,” Chad says, his blonde locks a mess too. 

“I'm gonna be sad to watch you all go, you've been such a big help these last couple weeks,” Sam says a bit sadly. “And my kids, they're gonna miss you something terrible.” 

“Maybe we'll come back sometime,” Alona says softly, smiling around her cup.

“I'd really like that,” Sam says, smiling. 

Jared didn't see Jensen in the living room, or anywhere else. “Where's Jensen?” 

Chad stills for a moment then sighs. “Well, have to break it to you... much as I don't want to but...,” he trails off.

“Jensen left in the middle of the night, Jared,” Alona explains. “We thought maybe he was upstairs but all his stuff was gone.”

Jared sits there, numb, shocked. He knew it might happen, but the fact that it has, doesn't blow any less. “Are you sure?” 

“Pretty sure,” Chad says with a nod. 

“Do you ... he went for The Hills,” Jared utters, running a hand through his hair as he looks to his right and closes his eyes for a moment, trying not to panic. 

“What's in The Hills?,” Sam questions curiously.

“His friend, well his dad, sorta,” Jared explains, feeling like he's in a nightmare and soon he'll wake up. “He said he'd go there and then come back for Jensen when he had them secured.” 

“Oh, poor boy,” Sam murmurs. “Did it ever occur to him that this Jeff might have died?”

Jared shakes his head. “Probably but I doubt it's anything he'd want to believe.” 

“Hmm,' Sam says. “Breakfast is finished if ya'll wanna eat.” 

“Oh hell yeah. You make like, the best food ever. I want to eat,” Chad compliments, practically radiating. 

Jared doesn't feel like eating at all.

\------------

They're packed and ready to go, heading north toward the farmlands Misha says, far away from all the hubbub of the chaos. They're standing on the porch as they say goodbye to Sam and the kids.

“Promise you'll come back someday,” Sam says, tears shimmering in her eyes.

“We promise,” Misha says, smiling a bit sadly. 

The kids hug all of them, especially Alona and Genevieve. Holding on for extra long. Jared chokes up a little but he isn't sure if that's because he'll miss the kids or because Jensen left them. Left him. He didn't even get to hug him, tell him goodbye. 

Sam and the kids go back into the house and shut the door. Everyone starts heading off the porch when Jared can't help himself. “I'm not coming with you guys.” Everyone stops and turns back to look at him. Genevieve raises her eyebrows, like she's surprised by this news, everyone else looks like they're confused. 

“He doesn't even love you, Jared,” Genevieve says in a chiding voice.

“She's right, Jared... he .. he may care about you as a friend but it's his decision to go. You can't follow a man that doesn't love you back,” Sandy says in a crestfallen voice, her eyes pitying. 

“But I love him, with all my heart and I can't just see him disappear,” Jared says, feeling water building in his eyes. He closes them, blinks them away but it doesn't stop them from coming. The thought of never seeing Jensen again, knocks the breath out of him. Makes him not see straight, he can't … he just can't. 

“I'm sure we'll see him again someday.. I already told him which direction we're headed,” Misha says soothingly.

Jared purses his lips. “... I … I don't think he'll be okay out there by himself.” 

“He can take care of himself,” Misha says gently and there goes that pitying look again. 

But Jared is determined. “I'm going rather you guys like it or not.” 

Chad shakes his head. “Jared, dude. It's a suicide mission, Jensen was stupid for going enough as it is.” 

Jared shrugs, looking down, all the sympathy and pity in their eyes, like he really is a fool and he can admit, he is but he was sure they'd understand. “I'd just worry. It'd eat at me. Just please... understand.”

Misha sighs. “How about this... you go and we'll meet you here in a month if you can't find him. Month tops, if you're not here in a week, we won't come back.”

Jared nods. “Yeah, okay, sounds good.” 

Alona comes over and hugs him tight. “Be careful. Okay? You don't know what will happen out here by yourself.” 

Jared nods, wrapping his arms around her and soon everyone is surrounding him, hugging him. Sandy sniffles, making choking noises and Gen looks like she's trying not to cry but when she reaches up to give him a chase kiss, there's tears in her eyes. “You're an idiot, Jared Padalecki.” 

“I know,” He says in a small voice. All this care from them, makes him realize how much he is loved but it's not enough to make him stay. He cares about Jensen to much to let him go. No matter how rational it would be to do so.

Genevieve smiles sadly. “Just don't die on us.”

Jared nods, reaching up to wipe the tears from his eyes and then she pulls away to do the same. “Take my duffel bag with you. I have a change of clothes in my backpack and I'll be fine for now. I promise not to take too long, and I'll be bringing him back with me.”

Misha nods, taking it from him and pulling it over his opposite shoulder. “Good because I doubt he'll find Jeff anyway.” 

Jared doesn't know, but part of him agrees.

\------------

He and Sam talked for a bit. He told her he was in love with Jensen and she threw her head back, laughing, telling him she didn't need to be told. She could tell as he followed him around the house like a puppy but it was cute and she was sure it made Jensen happy. He didn't exactly agree, it was clingy and he knew it. He should have backed off, maybe Jensen would have stayed if he did but then the more logical part of him says that Jensen needed to find Jeff, like he needs to find Jensen. They both carry a love that isn't reciprocated or dead at this point.

Sam gives him three zip lock bags of beef jerky, and five water bottles. They fit inside his backpack a little too snugly but it's not too bad. He goes out her back door and out the back gate, she tells him find the Abbey road and keep walking straight until you see a sign that says The Hills. It'll point him in the right direction. He ventures into the new world, it's awfully lonely to be completely alone by himself. No one to talk to. He misses Genevieve's snarky remarks at Jensen and Alona ribbing Chad and Jensen listening to him ramble about everything and nothing. He misses Sandy's quiet care. 

He has very little ammo to his name, and he feels like if he does need it, it'll be because Jensen is in danger. It's a gut feeling that stirs and boils inside or that's just his paranoia of finding Jensen dead in a ditch or on a road somewhere. He travels for he knows at least, eight or so miles, his feet and body aching. He should be used to all the walking and ontop of eating good food, he should be up to strength but he's so tired from worry that he walks into an enclave of trees, unrolls his sleeping bag. Eats three pieces of beef jerky and drinks a half a bottle of water. Then conks out. 

He wakes up the next morning, the first thing he thinks of his Jensen and his secret smile. What Jensen doesn't know is that Jared knows that he knows. He's back on the road, his feet throbbing but he pushes on. He breaks into a jog at one point and nearly collapses and has to sit on the side of the road, letting his feet die down from so much pain. He resolutes to get himself a new pair of sneakers eventually, find a store and take as many pairs as he can carry. He gets up at least what he thinks is an hour later and starts walking again, his determination a beating drum in his heart echoing , **Jensen. Jensen. Jensen.**

He knows he makes it another four miles, walking much too slow and ends up finding an abandoned shack and crawls into it for the night to sleep. He reads part of a crime novel while it's still daylight but he's too knackered to eat, so he goes to sleep when the words on the page get blurry and wakes up to the book laying on his chest. His first though is what if Jensen went to The Hills and now he's a member of their supposed great community or what if it's heavily guarded and now he's heading back this way. It would make things easier, but nothing is ever easy in his life. 

He keeps traveling on, looking out for any sign of Jensen, even checking into trees and everything else to see if he can find him anywhere but there's no such luck. His legs get exhausted and they nearly fall asleep, but he knows in his heart he's almost there and he knows he'll find Jensen. Its a vibe, a good vibe. He collapses again on the side of the road and lays there, even though he knows he could run into trouble this way. But surprisingly, now that he thinks about it. He hasn't run into any trouble so far, it's been blissful despite all the struggling he's doing to get there. He thinks of God and wonders if he's looking out for a sinner like him. If he's smiling down and encouraging him to keep going, wanting him to find Jensen before something else does. It makes him smile as he lays in the grass and stares into the blue blue sky above. 

When he finally sees the sign like a beacon of hope in the distance, he stops dead in his tracks and says. “What the hell are you doing, Jared?” _Going after the love of your life._ his mind supplies. He breaks into a smile, shaking his head and turns left like the sign tells him. He hopes Jensen doesn't mind that he thinks of him as _home._

\----------

It doesn't take him long to find the gated community, wrought iron gates lead in and it's a little smaller than he was expecting. He can't tell what the houses look like, but they peak over the high brick walls and trees surround those walls. There's two guards stationed outside the gates, holding rifles and Jared knows better than to try and get through that way. Sam explained that it was a community for the 'The Rich', which doesn't make sense considering money is a thing of the past but Jared isn't rich by any means and he doubts the state of his clothes and the fact that he smells a little from sweat and earth after being three and half days on the road will get him in. Which she said, it was difficult to since they want a certain kind of people there. He stands far away, as the gears in his mind work over and then decides to continue veering left. There has to be a way over the walls.

The guards don't seem to notice him, as he runs up along the first wall, out of view. The trees hug almost too tightly to the wall but he has some breathing room, despite the fact that his back pack keeps scraping against bark. He realizes he'll have to climb one of the trees if he wants to get in, over the wall and down but then how does he get out if Jensen isn't here? He gnaws at his lip a second and decides to keep looking and then he strikes gold. There's a hole in the wall down low and it looks comfortable enough to move though, but looks a bit tight. He won't be able to take his backpack, so he takes it off and crouches down to grab ammunition boxes from it and place them in his pockets. Thank god for roomy coats. 

 

Taking a quick look, there's white cement surrounding the broken wall and then his hazel eyes land on a hefty amount of blood, dried against the white. Someone else had the same idea. He takes a deep breath, nervous and gets on his knees, popping his head through the hole, he looks around and sees he's between two houses, the houses from this angle seem pretty large, across the street he sees a house that's so big that even the gap between these two houses doesn't even show the entirety of it, they're almost like mansions and now he realizes why they're called The Rich. He rolls his eyes as he scoots on his knees and hands, shoulders brushing the sides but he pops through. 

He's so nervous, stomach queasy but he can't be. He has to be strong, he has to do this. His heart won't have It any other way. He comes to a stand and realizes he doesn't have a plan beyond getting in and if Jensen is in any of these houses. How the hell is he going to find him? It seems so bleak, but his only solution is to look through windows like some Peeping Tom until he sees some sign of life that indicates Jensen is near. His gun is in the back of his jeans and as he starts walking to get onto the street, someone walks past with a shotgun in their hands, slowly walking like they're on patrol and then once they get out of sight, someone else walks past doing the same thing. 

Well, that's fucking great. He jogs up beside the left house and peeks his head out to look to his left and his right. The street is long and curves around a corner at the left end, meaning it goes on even longer. There are only those two guards and they're walking in the opposite directions. They're oblivious at the moment and aren't looking where he could go. He pulls back in and leans against the house, eyes closed as he thumps his head softly against the wood. He can do this. There's no failure option. He just has to be... stealthy, if he wants to make it across the street. 

But first things first, he has houses to look through on this side. He uses the backyards to run through, while hoping no one sees him through the windows and if they do, they just assume he's a member here. He has no time to really pay attention to his surroundings, but there's landscaping and even runs past a water fountain and a bird feeder at one point. Then he makes it to the end and begins his work. He counts seven houses down from the hole, something to remember later. He counts to five minutes in his head so many times, he gets tired of numbers. He looks through the windows and sees people eating lunch, or laughing and having a good time or children chasing each other as one of their parents yells at them. Heads thrown back, almost like they're unaware of the world outside. He wonders what it would have been like to find a place like this with his parents. Maybe his parents wouldn't have died. _But then you would have never met, Jen._ and his mind nods solemnly. He doesn't want to think about rather he'd choose his parents over him. That would be a hard one.

It takes awhile, but he makes it through the left side of the houses, and when the guards backs are to him, he flies through the street and begins his journey once again. At one point someone opens their back door and looks at him curiously but he flashes a quick smile waving. “Good afternoon!” He gets a good afternoon back, and then he walks casually between the houses to disappear, hoping they don't follow. But all this searching, and running is not fruitless. He gets near one house and hears a very loud. _I just want to see Jeff. Is that so hard to understand?'_ he stills in his tracks and then his heart carries him the rest of the way, coming up to a window that peers into a dining room. 

He's met with the sight of Jensen across the way, his mouth bloody and sneering at some man in a monkey suit, sitting on the dining room table, one leg up and hand on his knee. He's peering down at Jensen, and Jared bets he has a look of contempt.

“How do you know Sir Jeff? And what do you want with him?,” the man asks, his voice a little higher than normal for a male. 

Sir Jeff? What a crock. 

“He was my friend, heck, my dad too. He practically raised me,” Jensen explains, his voice a little bitter. “He said he was coming here to see if we could live in this place. The camp we were in was kinda tough to be and he wanted something better for us. He said he'd come back to me. So, I haven't seen him in two years. Please, let me see him. I'm begging you..” His voice a plea. 

Jared watches in horror as Jensen is smacked in the face with a knife, that slices through his cheek and blood splatters across the table and his face, seeps through the wound. Jared's stomach twists, knowing he has to get in there, get to him, before they decide to end his life and that'll be that. “I think you're lying, as he's never mentioned you,” The man says. “but I'll get him for you.” 

The man gets up and walks pass, disappearing from view and Jensen hangs his head, sadness pervading him and Jared's heart aches for him. How desperate he must feel, how much he misses the man that's possibly denied him but he can't sit here and stare at him at him. He ducks away and moves around the house. The front door is out of the question, he'd probably get killed that way, because if they're being hostile toward Jensen, then they certainly will to him. He moves around the house until he comes across a fancy door with a intricate design of sharp ovals overlapping each other and a small window in the center of the of it. He tries the door, but it's locked. He has nothing to get it open and he blows out a breath, hoping against all hope that the gun doesn't draw attention. He backs up a few feet and then aims the gun at the lock. 

He squeezes the trigger with a crackling pop as the lock gives away and waits a minute to see if anyone comes running. He moves forward, moving quickly as the doorknob twists underneath his palm and it gives away easily. Soon as he walks in, he knows it's a basement and it's old and musty, boxes and stocked items everywhere. There's a solid steel door with a latch and he wonders if it's a walk in freezer. He's only seen one in his entire life. He walks around the too large room until he finds the stairs, and walks up them slowly. Trying not to make them creak underneath his weight. He gets to the top and stops to listen to noise, when he hears nothing, he opens the door and peers both ways to make sure no one is around.

There's thick and lush red carpet on the floor, and he steps out, closing the door softly behind him with a click. He moves through the big hallway, and stops against a wall when he hears voices. 

“Just kill him already,” a woman says.

“No, I want to see if Jeff knows him and if he doesn't, we will then,” the same man from before says.

“Good, we don't need scruffian like that here,” the woman says. 

“Jeff was one of those too when he first came,” The man comments.

“Yes, but Jeff has class. That boy doesn't seem to have a bone of it in his body,” She says airily. 

The man sighs. “Don't worry your pretty little head, Angelica. The man will be killed.” 

“Well, I hope Nathan hurries up getting him, I don't want him in my home a second longer,” The woman says and thumping footsteps sounding in two sets of feet. 

Jared looks around a corner, and they've disappeared. He tries to be as quiet as possible, as he opens doors and looks through rooms, there are too many but after much searching, he finds the dining room and slips inside, shutting the door behind him. Jensen turns his head and his eyes widen. “Jared?” 

Jared tries not to smile too much, just being close to Jensen, ebbing away all the worry and hurt he's been feeling these past few days at Jensen leaving and being abandoned in his wake. “Yeah.”

“What are you doing here?,” Jensen asks, looking suspicious.

“I came to... get you,” Jared says easily, because isn't that obvious?

“Why?,” Jensen hisses, green eyes wide and luminous. 

Jared shrugs. “I have my reasons.” 

Jensen turns his face away from him. “Just go away. I'm about to see Jeff.”

Jared sighs. “No, Jen. They plan on killing you after he gets here.” 

Jensen shakes his head hard, like he's trying to convince himself. “They won't. Jeff won't let it happen.” 

Jared frowns, if it really is the Jeff, Jensen has been waiting for... he would have mentioned Jensen. Jensen who shadowed him for years like a child at camp. Always by his side, following Jeff around where ever he went. Jensen who had been slightly happier back then, and smiled far too much to be real. Jared finally speaks. “No, I'm not leaving you.”

Jared moves behind him, starts untying him.

“What are you doing!?,” Jensen asks in a hiss.

“What's it look like?,” Jared replies.

“Don't do that, damn it. They won't trust me if you do that,” Jensen says, his voice pleading. 

Just as Jared is about to get it loose, there's voices outside the door. 

“He's right this way,” the high pitched man says, muffled. 

Jared panics for a moment and then ducks underneath the table, crouched with one knee up and head ducked. He needs a game plan, and he needs one now. 

“Idiot,” he hears Jensen mutter. 

Jared huffs quietly, wanting to say _The idiot who loves you and wouldn't leave you unclaimed._ but he doesn't. 

The door opens and he sees two sets of legs, one pair stays by the door, while the other moves around the opposite side of Jensen. Pulls out a chair and sits down. Jared moves as quickly as possible, pressed up against Jensen's legs to avoid the other man's. 

“Jeff,” Jensen breathes, like he's in awe. 

There's silence for a moment, then... “Who are you? And what do you want from me?” 

Jared can imagine the confused look on Jensen's face. 

“You know who I am. You practically raised me,” Jensen says. 

“I've never heard about you before in my life. Are you trying to … mooch off me?,” his voice accuses. 

“That's a lie! You're... I love you. Why would you deny me?,” Jensen says with hurt in his voice. Broken, unbelieving and Jared thinks of Judith denying Jesus. Selling him out for thirty pieces of silver, and hanging himself afterward. He sneers, hanging isn't what Jeff would deserve at all. Taking the coward's way out. 

“I don't know who he is, so you're free to kill him,” Jeff says, but there's an edge to his tone. Like he knows exactly who Jensen is and he's going to have regrets. 

Jeff looks over and sees the guy standing by the door changing his stance, Jared doesn't really think when he comes barreling out and takes down the man by the knees as a shot goes off. 

“Who the hell are you?,” Jeff cries out, as Jared whips out his gun and shoots the man between the eyes. There are shouts in the house and Jared turns around quickly as he sets his gun on the table and gets behind Jensen, working the knots as quickly as he can. 

“What the fuck is with wrong with you, Jeff? I waited, I fucking waited and waited and I come to see you and you … oh god. I made a mistake,” Jensen says, his voice grave. 

There's footsteps leaving the room and Jared finally gets them untied. “Don't worry about him right now. We need to get out of here.”

Jensen stands up and walks over to the dead man, picking up his gun as he checks the glock and examines it for a moment.

Jared grabs his gun and pushes Jensen aside to look out, he sees a man coming with a gun and knows he has no choice, he shoots him in the face before he can get a shot off. 

Jensen moves past him and Jared follows, as they make their way through the house. “This way, we can get out of the basement.”

As Jared tries to stir Jensen to the left, he stops as three men are coming down the hallway. “That plans nixed,” Jensen mutters. “Just follow me!” Jensen makes a run through a archway and Jared can do nothing but follow.

A man comes from the right and starts shooting, and Jared and Jensen Jared's hand moves back as he pops off shots, Jensen doing the same and then they're moving through another hallway, two men are coming from another side and Jensen curses the word fuck before ducking into another room and dragging Jared with him behind a couch. 

They stay crouched, guns poised at the ready. “Reload,” Jared says as he gets in his pockets and gives Jensen a box of bullets. 

He does the same and reloads his gun, hands shaking a little but he manages. 

They discard the boxes on the ground and then footsteps echo into the room. 

“Where did they go?,” one of the men say. 

“Check the room,” another says. 

“Now,” Jensen hisses.”

Jared understands automatically as they stand up and come see three men standing in the room. They don't even know what hits them before Jared and Jensen have bullets riddling their bodies as their own shots go off but toward the air. They fall and Jensen runs from the room, Jared chasing after him. There's footsteps everywhere now, and Jared can't help thinking they're so beyond screwed, but he can't give up, he didn't come all this way for that and to see Jensen dead. 

Jensen veers left and shots are fired their way as they move down the hallway, Jared running backwards as he shoots at their pursuers, and then turns in time to see the double doors with large, thick garbled glass windows. They lead outside. Jensen fumbles with the door, and Jared gasps as one of the bullets being fired goes into Jensen's back.

 

“Son of a bitch,” Jensen hisses as he startles, almost falling from the shock but he manages to stay up right and get the door open. He flies out into the dark gray day and Jared follows after. He tries not to worry about the shot, but it probably didn't hit his spine since Jensen is still standing. They keep running once they hit the street. They can hear yelling behind them and now the guards patrolling are on alert. More shots at being fired, these ones in rapid succession, heavy footsteps on the pavement. 

“Jensen, follow me!,” Jared yells and runs across the street to the opposite houses, he tries to remember how many houses up but that'd be pointless because he didn't have time to count the houses. So he runs along the wall, praying to God that he finds the hole. “The hole. where the hell is the hole!?”

Jensen moves past him and gets on his knees. “This way!” He disappears and Jared scrambles to do the same, as shots are fired in his direction, breezing over his back and he pushes through quickly, shoulder snagging on the rock and dust. He grabs his backpack as soon as he sees it and pulls it over his back and shoulders. Jensen is waiting for him, halfway down the wall and he starts moving through getting to him. Jensen turns and keeps waking.

He doesn't breathe easy until they're far away from the rich people from hell.

\-------------

Jensen is laying on his stomach on the ground, around an enclave of trees. Jared has a pair of tweezers poised at the bullet hole wound in his back, Jensen hasn't even complained once about it and didn't seem to care until Jared mentioned it. Jared delicately pulls around the skin, until he snags the bullet and pulls it out carefully as possible. He tosses the flattened hunk of metal and grabs a rubbing alcohol wipe and that's when Jensen hisses, when it dabs to clean and disinfect the area. “You don't make a sound any other time. But a little sting makes you?”

“It hurts, man,” Jensen almost whines, his arms folded underneath his chin.

“I can't imagine it hurts more than a bullet,” Jared says chuckling. 

Jensen shrugs and Jared grabs the gauze and medical tape to patch up the back. He's no good at stitch or he would try. Once he's finished, he speaks. “You're all done.” 

Jensen sits up on the sleeping bag and stays quiet for a few moments and Jared let's him. Then Jensen says. “Thanks for coming to get me. I appreciate it.” 

“It's nothing,” Jared murmurs, looking down at his knees.

“No, really, Jared. That was brave of you and nice and just... amazing. I would have died if you hadn't come,” Jensen says earnestly. 

Jared shrugs. “Really, it's nothing.”

Jensen looks at him for a few moments then smiles secretively, but it's sadder this time. 

Jared let's Jensen take the sleeping bag even though he protests. The hard ground is a welcome reprieve because Jensen's safe and alive.

\-----------

Jensen is running a fever, and Jared doesn't know if it's from the bullet or face wound. The face wound covered up by gauze too. Jensen insisted they start moving, even though he's tired and sluggish, claims he's freezing.. Jared wants to stop until it passes, make him eat a little something and drink some water but Jensen won't have it. He can also tell Jensen is depressed, he's barely sad a word since last night and he keeps getting these far away looks in his eyes, like he's somewhere entirely different and without Jared. He wants to reach out, but he's too afraid, and contented to just be by his side.

'What happened to your stuff?,” Jared asks, as the sun hangs high in the sky. 

“They took it,” Jensen says simply.

“What are you going to do with your guitar?,' Jared asks, knowing Jensen took care of that guitar like it was his only child. He used to polish it all the time, before they were on the road.  
Jensen is quiet for a moment then goes. “I'm sure I'll find another one.”

Jared nods. It has to be midday by the time, they're at least eight miles in. Jensen threw up twice, still wouldn't stop. He keeps stumbling and now Jared holds Jensen against him, so they can keep going. Jared already yelled at him once that they needed a break, but he's stubborn and wants to be far away. Like he's running from the truth of Jeff, wants to put as much space between them as possible. Doesn't even want to touch him anymore. 

As the sun sets low, they hear voices coming out of the woods. Jensen finally collapses at that moment, on his knees as he dry heaves and Jared thinks, this is it. This is where they die. He bends down to rub at Jensen's back, as he turns his head to watch as a man and a little girl come out of the trees. They stop and stare for a moment and Jared stares back, Jensen is too busy to do anything but hack.

“Can we help you folks?,” The man asks. 

Jared feels relief wash through him, that they're not hostile. He imagines they wouldn't be since one is a child. “Yeah, uh... we need a place to rest for the night.”

“Long as your friendly, we can take you to our little cabin. It's not much but you'll be comfortable and there's a fire place, nice and warm since it feels like it'll be chilly tonight,” The man says with a smile. 

Jared smiles back. “We'd like that.”

\------------

They're a small family of four. John, Luke, Sarah and Mary. Mary was the little girl, Sarah is Luke's wife. John and Luke are brothers. They're deeply religious. They feed them fresh food, Sarah makes Jensen eat left over vegetable soup from the other day and Jensen gets most of it down before running outside to the porch and puking over the railing. It's easy chatter, they offer them a place to stay for awhile but Jared explains they have somewhere to be and they're not hurt by that. He talks to Luke about God, telling each other their favorite scriptures, and making christian jokes that has Jensen rolling his eyes and calling Jared a dork.

Everyone goes to bed, and Jared sits on the couch, ready to give it up to Jensen whenever he's ready to sleep. The fire roars and Jensen sits in front of it with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and over his head. He's silent for a long time, then Jared hears sniffles and finally he hears quiet sobbing. Jensen's shoulders is shaking, and Jared can't take it anymore, so he slides to the floor and places his hands over those shoulder, trembling shoulders and brings Jensen against him. Wrapping his arms around him. The dam breaks and Jensen openly sobs, face pressed against Jared's chest. He cries for awhile, his forehead pressed into Jared's body, Jared's hand running through his hair, over his back soothingly and Jensen finally speaks. “I can't believe he acted like he didn't know me. He was my father. My bestfriend. The person I loved more than anyone in this whole fucking world and he didn't even love me enough to come back or acknowledge me.” He says between hiccups. 

“I know, Jen but he isn't worth your tears or your love. You gotta move on and just... let the people who love you, fill that space and be okay,” Jared says gently, as he rests his chin ontop of his head. 

Jensen nods. “It hurts. I'm gonna try, but it feels so hard right now. Like I can't do that.” _Because it's still too fresh_ Jared finishes for him In his head. 

“I understand, Jen. I really do,” Jared says quietly, as Jensen starts trembling and crying again. He'll do whatever he can to make him alright.

\-----------

They say their goodbyes in the morning. After a restful sleep, Jensen's fever broke. Luke forced Jensen into accepting a backpack with much needed supplies in it, along with an old sleeping bag with a few holes in it. Everyone hugs goodbye, John says if they're ever in need someday, come back around and they'll bring them into the fold. They get back on the road, and it's so tiring but they need to get to Sam's soon. He hopes they come back like they said they would. He has Jensen, yes, but it had always been his plan to get him and make sure they did get to be with them. The thought of never seeing Sands, Genevieve and everyone else hurts too.

Five miles put out and they rest for the night in the same shack that Jared did before. 

Jensen rests on his stomach, on top of his 'new' sleeping bag. “You never told me where we're headed.”

Jared lays on his side, watching Jensen, marveling at him being alive, whole and there. “Sam's. Some of the group are going back there in a month. Well, twenty five days or so. Sam said she didn't mind if I stayed there until then, or you for that matter, if I brought you back.”

Jensen says quietly. “I miss everyone, even Genevieve.” 

“I'm sure they miss you too,” Jared says with a lopsided smile. 

“Misha said...,” Jensen trails off.

“Misha said what?,” Jared asks, eyebrow raised.

“That you'd be devastated if I left. Is that true?,” Jensen asks, turning his head to look at him.

Jared looks down. “I don't know why he would say that but I was worried about you...” 

Jensen looks at him for a few moments, eyes calculating and strange. “Thanks for worrying then.” He finally says, but he doesn't look convinced. 

“It's okay,” Jared murmurs. He realizes Jensen was trying to get him to admit his feelings but it's not the time for that right now, if there ever will be a time.

\-------------

They make it to Sam's before night fall the next day. Sam welcomes them with open arms and they meet her husband Yanni, who Is a burly man with gray hair and a salt and pepper beard. He is as nice and friendly as she made him out to be. He reminds Jared of someone's jolly grandfather, who is all to happy to see you. Jensen returns to helping Sam in the kitchen and Jared plays with the kids, while watching Astor shadow Jensen everywhere he goes. It makes him chuckle, considering he's been doing the same thing. Maybe he does have the spirit of a love sick fifteen year old and he's possessed by it.

Astor is sitting nearly in Jensen's lap on the couch, while Sam knits a sweater in one of the chairs by the entertainment center. Sam doesn't seem to mind that Astor hangs all over Jensen, probably because she trusts Jensen not to do anything with her daughter. 

Jared finally feels a tad bit jealous, because he wishes Jensen would sit in his lap or hell, if Jensen would let him sit in his but even if he could, he doubts Sam and Yanni would appreciate that.

“I think I'd like to marry someone like you someday,” Astor says, her voice a dreamy state.

Jensen laughs, hands on her hips. “Trust me, kid. You don't want to marry anyone like me.”

“Yes, I do. Utterly handsome like those guys described in books, sweet, caring and you can cook. You have all the makings of a perfect husband,” Astor says sweetly.

Jensen looks down, chuckling as he raises his eyebrows. 

“You're barking up the wrong tree, Astor,” Sam says from her chair, voice filling with amusement. 

“What makes you say that, mama? He is husband material,” Astor says, oblivious and admittedly, Jared's kind of oblivious too. 

Jensen purses his lips as Sam says. “For another man, sweetie.” 

Astor looks confused for a moment, then it dawns on her face and she blushes. “You're gay?”

Jensen shrugs, looking a little embarrassed. “Mostly.” 

Jared blinks, he always kinda hoped or thought he might be gay. In the years that Jared has known him, he's only slept around with one woman, Cindy Jacobs and they weren't even exclusive or anything. It was short lived. But this gives him a little hope. 

She looks disappointed, like someone just shot her cat right In front of her eyes as she wrings her hands. “Oh... would you at least try and marry a girl?” 

Jensen laughs, his embarrassment gone. 'If I ever marry a girl, Astor Ferris. It'll be you.” 

Astor giggles, hitting him in the shoulder playfully. “Good, cause I'd make you really happy.”

“I bet you would,” Jensen murmurs, squeezing her shoulder.

Jared can't help thinking how good he is with kids or the fact that he might have an actual chance. 

Xxxxxxxxxx

Two weeks pass, and it feels like a home. Jared will feel sad to leave it if anyone comes back for them. Jensen and him take turns on the couch but this particular night, Jared is on the floor and he wakes up to feeling too warm and an arm thrown cross his chest. He lays there for a moment, blinking up at the ceiling. “Jensen?”

“Can't sleep,” Jensen mumbles, chin digging into Jared's shoulder. 

“Why not?,” Jared asks softly. 

“I just... can't stop thinking about Jeff,” Jensen admits, his voice stronger but it sounds like he's been crying. 

Jared whispers. “You'll stop eventually.” 

“I thought I had someone who truly loved me and it turned out to be a mirage of bullshit,” Jensen says, voice bitter. “Maybe he was waiting around for years to drop me off somewhere.”

“I'm sure that's not true,” Jared tries.

“Why else wouldn't he come back for me?,” Jensen asks, sounding hurt.

“I don't know, Jen,” Jared admits. 

Everything goes quiet and Jared says. “Were you guys...”

“We were what?,” Jensen asks, voice hedging.

“Together?,” Jared finishes.

“You mean as in romantically?,” Jensen asks defensively.

Jared nods. “Yeah.” 

Jensen is silent for a long time, and Jared says. “You don't have to tell me.” 

“No, we weren't but I wanted to be,” Jensen admits, voice cracking. 

“What stopped it from happening?,” Jared questions, eyebrows furrowed.

“I... he... it was a couple of things. He wasn't gay, I never really admitted it but he kissed me once while drunk and denied it the next morning,” Jensen explains, then adds. “Guess I should have seen the whole denial thing coming a mile away.” 

Jared doesn't say anything for a few seconds. “I'm really sorry.”

Jensen shrugs against him. “Better I didn't waste my affections on him in the long run. Already gave him too much of me.”

“Yeah, you did,” Jared says.

“I know I haven't been a very good friend, leaving you, guys like that,” Jensen says quietly.. “But can I... sleep with you?” His voice small at the end, like he'll be pushed away.

Jared smiles in the dark. “If I minded, I would have said something when I woke up.”

“Thanks,” Jensen says, sniffling a little.

Jared turns on his side,and throws his arm around Jensen. Chin resting against on the top of his head as Jensen curls into him. Jensen's even breaths help lull him back to sleep.

\--------------

Jared shouldn't be surprised when there's knocking at the door, but he gets up to answer it and opens it to reveal Chad and Alona and he is surprised. “Hey,” he breathes. And they're both smiling, looking healthy and happy.

“Heya, Jared,” Alona says, cheeks slightly pink as she reaches forward and engulfs Jared in a tight hug, and he hugs right back. “I missed you!” 

“Came back to get your ass, like we said we would,” Chad says, smirking. 

“This makes me very happy,” Jared admits. “Where's everyone else?” 

“Manning our own personal farm, dude,” Chad says, his face breaking out into a grin. 

“That sounds great, wonderful,” Jared says as he steps to the side. “Come in. We've been waiting for you.” 

“And it is wonderful, we have so many animals and all this equipment. There was even a small store house with all these goods that we could use, don't know how long it'll last expiring wise but we're pretty set for a while yet,” Alona goes on to explain as she moves past him. 

Jared turns to see Jensen coming and he stops for a moment, before a real genuine smile pulls at his lips and he holds his arms out to Alona. “Come here, pumpkin.”

Alona runs forward, glomping Jensen tight and he wraps his arms around her, cheek pressed on top of her head. Alona pulls back. “Running off was stupid, you know.”

Jensen smiles sheepishly. “I know.”

“Good to see you, asshole,” Chad says, giving Jensen a twiddle wave with his fingers. 

“You too, jackass,” Jensen says easily, making an amusement huff. 

“Is that Lona?,” Troy calls from upstairs.

“It sure as heck is!,” She calls back and Troy comes running down the stairs like tight end, ready to tackle. 

Soon everyone is greeting each other, and the laughter that follows is the happy kind.

\----------------

They stay for two more days and then they're on the road. The farm is only ten miles away from where they are. Chad explains they found three dead bodies in the house, Misha claims they weren't attacked, probably died from some unknown disease but there weren't any signs of it anymore. The animals were fine when they got there, just needed to be wrangled up and put where they belong. There's even a couple horses, they think most of the other ones ran away. Genevieve and Sandy have been schooling them in how to take care of a farm. Not to mention they found farming books, which helps a hell of a lot.

They're so very tired by the time they reach the farm, that Jared is huffing harsh breaths and yawning several times but it's still daylight out and he can see Sandy petting a horse over by stables. He breaks into a smile and let's his legs carry him to her, she looks over in surprise and then her smile is mega watt. Jared picks her up and spins her around, as she laughs with glee.

“You're alive!,” She crows, as he puts her down. 

“Yeah, thankfully,” Jared says, ruffling her hair. “And you are too, so that's good news.” 

“Yeah, we got pretty lucky,” Sandy says with a grin. “Go see Gen and Misha. They've been worried sick about you.”

Jared nods. “Okay, see you whenever you come in.”

Five minutes later, he's in the house, puts his backpack against the door beside Jensen's, he looks around, it's nicely furnished, brightly lit, the rooms are large and then he spots Jensen in the living room, talking to Misha.

“... old some dude to shoot me,” Jensen says. “I'm getting better but it's … yeah.”

“You'll live through it. You got us and we love you,” Misha says.

Jared's heart stops when Jensen looks over at Jared, his green eyes intense as he says. “I know.” Jared's heart jumps in his throat and he looks away.

Misha has a peculiar look on his face until he turns to look at Jared and smiles softly. “Thanks for bringing him back.” 

Jared shrugs, looking down. “It's nothing really.”

Misha chuckles. “Whatever you say, Jared.” 

Jared nearly stumbles when someone barrels into him and he's manhandled into turning around until he's face to face with Genevieve. “About time!”

Jared grins almost bashfully. “Good to see you.”

Genevieve squeezes him tight. “Oooh, you! I thought I'd never see you again.” 

Jared sighs, rubbing his hand along her back. “Yeah, me too.” 

“Hey Jared, look,” Jensen says behind him and Jared let's go to turn around. Jensen is holding up a light wood guitar, sturdy but has scuffs around the edges but looks in good condition. “Look what I got. Now I can annoy you with my singing.” 

Jared raises his eyebrow. “You never annoy me with your singing. I love it.”

Jensen shrugs. “Yeah, well...,” he trails off.

Genevieve chuckles. “Trust me, you annoy no one with your singing.” 

“Yeah, Jen,” Jared says with a smile. 

Jensen turns his eyes Genevieve. “Hey, Queen of Hearts.”

“Hey, jerk. Gonna give me a reason to cry Off with your head?” 

Jensen smirks. “If you give me a reason to call you the B word.” 

Genevieve crosses her arms, looking mock angry as she turns up her nose. “Fair enough.” She then smiles.

Jared laughs, rolling his eyes as he plops down on the couch.

Misha chuckles. “This is your home too, so make yourselves. We've loved it so far.” 

“I'm in the middle of making dinner, I'll call you guys when it's done,” Genevieve says as she leaves the room and Misha follows behind.

Jared is a little surprised when Jensen sits down beside him and then fits his back into the crook of Jared's side, legs kicked up on the couch He tunes the strings and hums softly and Jared leans his head back against Jensen's. Feeling content, this is going to be far better than the camp ever was.

\----------

Jensen and him are given an attic bedroom that leads up from Chad and Alona's room. There's two queen sized beds, pretty far from each other, given all the space they have. Along with deep colored red end tables with lamps on them. The attic is entirely furnished, and looks like it was someone's small apartment once upon a time. Jared figures it'll be nice to get away from everyone when the mood strikes him or he wants to read in silence.

Jared lays in bed, staring up at the ceiling. How many times has he laid awake and done this? Far too many times. Jensen curled up a long time ago, and now he feels a little lonely, in the dark, without someone to talk to, so he closes his eyes and tries to sleep, even though sleep won't come. 

Not long after, he rustling and foosteps creaking. His bed dips and he opens his eyes, eyebrows furrowed. “What's wrong, Jen?” 

Jensen is silent for a moment, his back turned to Jared as he speaks. “I think I know why you came for me, but I'd like to hear you say it.” 

Jared swallows, of course Jensen knows, he knows that but he doesn't want to... “It was nothing, honest. You're a friend and I care about you. I thought you might need someone with you incase you couldn't find Jeff.” 

“I believe that in part but you're omitting something else,” Jensen says a bit coldly. 

And Jared's suddenly realizes why Jensen is pushing to know. If Jared denies it, then he'll be no better than Jeff. Jensen needs to hear that he's loved, something sure and strong and Jared isn't arrogant but he knows what he feels is stronger than many things and it holds true. “Okay... I'm in love with you,” he says with a sigh. 

Jensen nods. “I figured as much.” 

“Is this going to make things awkward between us?,”Jared asks, praying that it doesn't.

Jensen laughs, shoulders shaking in the moonlight. “No. Far from it.” 

Jared licks his lips nervously. “Okay, good.” 

Jared watches as Jensen stands and picks up the blanket, as he slides in next to him. Cuddling up close on his side, Jared waits with bated breath as Jensen leans down and gives him a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. Lips slightly dry and Jared is tempted to let his tongue dart out, but he's waited so long, he can wait a little longer. He'll let Jensen lead. 

Jensen pulls back with a small smile, and cards his fingers through Jared's hair. “Thanks for loving me enough to come get me.” 

Jared swallows, his heart beating wildly. In his chest and his stomach rolling with butterflies. “It's not a hardship.”

Jensen kisses him again, pressing a little softer this time, feather light. “Then it won't be for me to love you either.” 

Jared smiles, his heart calming down to an almost sluggish, content beat, a single pound in his chest, up against his ribcage. Jensen lays his head back against the pillow and pushes his arm underneath Jared's neck, and Jared wants to tell him it'll fall asleep that way but he's far too happy to ruin the moment. He runs his fingers up and down Jensen's arm gentle and sure as his feelings for him and Jensen starts singing softly.

_You saw my pain washed out in the rain Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart And you knelt beside my hope torn apart_

And Jared, half asleep, mumbles. “I love you.” 

Jensen just keeps singing, singing to him far into his dreams and Jared knows they'll be alright.


End file.
